Wherein I have completely lost my mind

I took a pregnancy test today. Yes I am that insane. BUT I do have reasoning behind it! Yes I am on birth control this month but I had to know for sure.

When I went in for my first pelvic ultrasound it showed 2 mature follicles. One on each ovary. Now my doctor wanted both of those to go away since they were becoming enlarged, but he told us to keeping trying just in case they did release. I ended up calling my doctor on day 36 of my cycle and he prescribed me provera to start my period since it did not look like it was going to start anytime soon. I did take a test that day and of course it was negative. Flash forward to this week. I’ve been feeling off. And not just in a coming down with something way. I’ve been very sensitive to certain scents and food that I usually love has started sounding revolting.

See, I had a follow up pelvic exam to see how the follicles were doing. The one on the left was completely gone, while the one on the right had continued to grow and convinced a friend to grow alongside it. At first I did not thing anything of it. My doctor said I obviously did not ovulate and that we would start birth control to help shrink the follicles. But then I started thinking. Then I started over thinking. Then I went crazy.

“What if the follicle from the left side didn’t shrink? What if it ovulated?!?!” “What if I am pregnant and Provera and Birth Control haven’t caused me to miscarry?” “What if I am killing my baby by continuing on birth control?” See. Crazy. But I had to know for sure. I have a water sonogram tomorrow and I knew that if there was even the slimmest chance that I was pregnant that I could not risk it. So I took a test. Of course it was negative. It was not a sad thing to see. In fact I was a little relieved. Because if I had been pregnant I would have just been scared to death that I would miscarry because of the drugs I’ve been on recently. No worries though, my head is somewhat sane again.

Like I said, tomorrow is my water sonogram test to see if I have a polyp in my uterus. I am scared. Is the test a big deal? In the long run, not at all. But I also thought this about the HSG test and that turned out to be horrible. And this test is sounding a whole lot like a HSG test. Notice how I am not concerned about the results, but more about the pain. That is because I have accepted the fact that there is most likely a polyp there and I will have to do a surgery to remove it. That is just kinda how my life goes. Never fear, I have a lot of Tylenol in my bag.

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4 Comments

Filed under Crazy? I'm not crazy!, Infertility, Just my luck

4 responses to “Wherein I have completely lost my mind

  1. I think crazy comes with the territory! I hope the test goes well, I have to do one soon as well, and I am also really worried it’ll be like the HSG. You’ll have to let us know what it’s like. Good luck!

  2. Thank you! Hopefully I’ll be able to pop in here and tell you it was easy 😉 Good luck with yours as well!

  3. I just made my appointment for the 28th. The assured me that it was no big deal and that I’d be able to drive myself. They seriously better not be lying!

    • You’ll be fine. In the end I decided not to take my husband either. It really wasn’t bad. Slight cramping but nothing worse then a period. You’ll do great! I’d love to hear how it goes!

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