Today has been an emotional nightmare. I had my follow-up scan today and was expecting to trigger tonight. My follicles are perfect. I have 4 lovely beauties at 20,18,18 on the right and 18 on the left. My lining sucks. 5.44. My doctor was really concerned about this and said that we needed to draw blood and see where my E2 levels were at. If they were really low then we would just need to cancel the cycle. (UGH!) If they were good then he wanted to see me again on Monday to see if my lining was any better. The problem there is that by Monday my eggs will probably be over mature and too old. He said that pretty much my chances were 50/50.
First off I was mad because they had gotten me all pumped up and excited on Tuesday saying how I would be ready to trigger and do an IUI this weekend. Then I was mad because they wanted me to come in again on Monday. Basically another $200. We have already spent almost double what we were originally quoted on the cycle and they were talking about cancelling it. Just like that. A couple thousand dollars down the drain.
So I got my blood drawn. I paid my bill and made a follow-up appointment. I made it all the way to the parking lot before the first tear dropped. I then proceeded to spend a half an hour in my car sobbing to my mother.
I admit that I am a pretty dramatic person. But I was DEVASTATED. Because J and I had come to a decision the previous night. We are not going to cycle in December. This was our last chance at least for a month or so. This whole process has taken a toll on us and our marriage. We are not in a great spot at the moment. We have our issues that in the long run can definitely be worked out, but infertility and the stress of it all has amplified them. And as much as I want a baby, I want my marriage to work more.
I love my husband more than anything. I CAN NOT imagine my life without him and I never want to. We can get through this. We just need to work on us right now and let the baby thing rest for a bit.
So that is the story of my breakdown. Don’t worry there is a
happy suitable ending.
My E2 levels came in right as they were about to close for the night. They called me immediately and reported that my estrogen levels were great, right where they should be for ovulation. Basically that it is a side effect of the clomid that is causing the thin lining. At first, I won’t lie, I was upset. I didn’t want to have to go in on Monday because I was positive the cycle would be cancelled then. I’d rather them just cancel it tonight so that I could attempt to move on.
But they surprised me. My doctor understands my concern and frustration. So he told me the best option we have at the moment is to give it a natural go. Based on my follicles and levels he is certain that I will ovulate (without a trigger) this weekend. So we are gonna do this the old-fashioned way. Lots of sex.
Then they went even further. They told me that if I don’t get pregnant this cycle *knocks on wood* then he wanted to do injectable medication next month. I think they knew that we were concerned about the cost given that this cycle was a lot more expensive then we anticipated, so they said they were going to talk to a medicine rep and try to get our medication for free for the next cycle. Whoa. So maybe we will be cycling in December? We don’t know for sure yet. We just want to try to have a stress-free weekend to give ourselves the best shot possible and go from there.
So in the end it worked out I guess. No IUI but I am actually not too upset about that. We still have a chance and hopefully some free drugs next month. Now we relax, wait, and work on the other issues in our lives. The funny thing is, when we are not cycling we are SO happy. There are times that I think that it isn’t possible for another couple to have more fun together then we do. We laugh and play so much. Hopefully we can figure out how to be like that all the time.