What dreams may come

Ever since I’ve gotten married I have had dreams off and on about having a baby. I can’t always remember what happens in the dream but one detail always sticks out…it is a little boy. And in all those dreams it is the same little boy. Sometimes he is older, sometimes he has curly hair like his dad and sometimes it is straight. But his face, eyes and hair color are always the same. He has dimples in his cheeks when he smiles.

I think about him a lot. But in the past 6-9 months the dreams have stopped. In fact I have been longing for them to return because they make me so happy.

Last night he came back to me. He was maybe 4 months old and I had just woken up and gotten up to take care of him. I gave him a bath and wrapped him in a big green towel and then walked to the kitchen to get him a bottle. I found the bottle easily but I could not find the formula. I searched the house high and low but couldn’t find it. I began to think that the nanny (HA!) had moved it somewhere. Then I taught him to wave and say “hi” (my 4 month old genius). Just as the dream was ending my brother and sister-in-law walked in and finally got to meet him (they live far away and I don’t see them very often).

It was a great dream.

He was my baby. He had the name that J and I have picked out for a boy. We talk about names a lot and for the most part can never agree on anything. Especially girls names. But a boy’s name has been picked out for around 6 months. We play with other ones but we always come back to this one. I feel like it is him and that is his name.

Since before we started trying I’ve always believed that we would have a boy first. Maybe because of the dreams, or maybe it is just some kind of intuition. Not to say that I would be disappointed if I had a girl. I would be thrilled, so many cute clothes! But I would be absolutely shocked. Truly, I would question skills of whoever was performing the ultrasound.

Maybe this is why I’ve never completely embraced the idea of adoption. I want to embrace it. I want to go into it head first and never look back. It seems like it would take away a lot of stress from my life because in the end (even though it is not an easy path) there is a baby in my arms. With the current situation I can’t necessarily say the same. But if we do adopt we will adopt trans-racial. That is something I want to do. But then…it won’t be him. I hope that does not sound racist or anything because that is not the issue. I just know it won’t be the same baby from my dreams.

I feel like I am waiting for him. I’m not sure why the dreams came back to me last night but I really needed it. I needed to see what I am waiting for again. Because I was SO happy in that dream. I cuddled him and smelled his little head and it was bliss. I can wait for him. The road is hard and frustrating but that is what I want. I want to be his mommy. I hope he doesn’t keep us waiting too much longer.

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20 Comments

Filed under adoption, BABIES!, If you're happy and you know it..., TWW

20 responses to “What dreams may come

  1. This is a beautiful post. Your baby is coming, no matter what.

  2. It sounds like a wonderful dream. I hope that he comes to you very soon. But HRF is right, no matter what, your baby is coming.

  3. I loved this post. It made me really sad and I may have even cried a bit, but I really, really loved it.

  4. Oh I love dreams like that that bring hope. ❤

  5. Love this. Someone once told me that our babies “find” us. I think he’s just waiting to find you…when the time is right. Hopefully that time is soon.

  6. Tracy

    Oh my gosh. I quite honestly almost cried during this read. I had the exact dreams. I can’t find the post that I wrote about but it’s identical to yours. I knew I’d have a girl. I pictured her – for some weird reason she was white lol – I’m East Indian and my husband is white but this dream girl never looked bi-racial! During every pregnancy I had I knew I was having girls. I could picture every detail of her. When everything always fell apart I felt like my dream of a girl needed to be laid to rest. Then we applied to adopt and we POSITIVE we’d adopt from the states transracially so the baby would be a mix and fit in with our large multi racial family, and I was positive it’d be a boy…four months later I’m at home feeding a beautiful girl. She’s my girl and just how I’d pictured her.

    I’m going to throw some fluff out there for you and say: Wheather you adopt or not, YOUR baby will find its way into your arms 🙂

  7. Awww what an awesome dream. Hoping for you that you don’t have to wait too much longer….

  8. What a beautiful dream! I hope you get your baby boy someday =)

  9. Such a beautiful dream.

  10. I love those sweet baby dreams!

  11. nothingifnotoptimistic

    I felt like I was reading something I would have posted myself!! I dream often about having a baby. Most often I’m pregnant, but in the dream I tell my hubby that we are having a boy. We do the same thing with names. For about eight months or so, we have had our baby boy name picked out. But for a girl, we just can’t decide. We’ve both agreed on a name, but I don’t know if it will be the name. I guess we will decided when we finally get pregnant! Love baby dreams. Hope he keeps coming to visit yoU!! 🙂

  12. What a wonderful post. I completely understand where you are coming from with the adoption thing. And those dreams can’t make it any easier. All I know is, I believe that you will one day have that special boy, your baby.

  13. What a wonderful recurring dream to have! You are lucky to get to have such a realistic image of your baby boy- even if it is just a dream for now! In my dreams my baby is always just out of reach somehow… And I can never see his/her face. Thanks for sharing these very poignant and beautiful thoughts and dreams! I hope they keep coming to you until the day they come true!

  14. Trisha, this was a beautiful post. I truly hope that you get the baby of your dreams. What a comfort those dreams must be!

  15. Nobabiesyet

    That’s the prettiest thing I’ve read in awhile. I truely hope with all of my heart you get to me your little boy because he sounds awesome. In all of my baby dreams its always a different baby I’m so jealous you always see him. So amazing!

  16. Hi There-
    I’m stopping by (late) from ICLW. Wish you luck on your journey; I’ve always thought I’d have a boy too and relate to what you are saying.

  17. I really do hope your dreams come true! I love how you write, “it was bliss.” It’s precious and so are your dreams. I featured you tonight on my blog! Happy ICLW!

  18. Pingback: Lovin’ Trisha, Emily, and Unaffected! – Stress Free Infertility

  19. Here from CDLC. I know those dreams so well, the child that you picture and the life you thought you’d have. And the feeling that they will never come true. I hope 2013 brings you peace, no matter the outcome.

  20. Pingback: BOOM. |

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