Confession Time

Confession #1: A few months after we started trying J and I were at Goodwill scouring for hidden treasures. Going to thrift stores is J’s guilty pleasure. I was browsing their book shelves when I cam across a great find, “What to Expect When You are Expecting”, “What to Expect the First Year”, and “What to Expect the Toddler Years” all in perfect condition and priced at $2 each. I immediately snatched them up and showed J with hope and excitement written all over my face. We eagerly purchased the books sure that we would be able to dive into them in no time.

When we got home I carefully selected a place on the bookshelf to store my new purchases. I didn’t want to flip through them yet, I wanted to be able to open the first one when I found out I was pregnant for the time and I would open the book and devour its information about what I would be experiencing over the next 9 months.

But time went on and on, the books have been sitting on the shelf collecting dust for the past year. I started to resent their presence in my home, they were a constant reminder of what my body was denying me. I avoided looking at them when grabbing a book of the shelf, pretending that they were not even there. Until Monday that is…when I picked up the first book and opened it up with shaking hands.

I’m pregnant.

Confession #2: I’ve known about this for 4 days now and I’ve said nothing. Some may ask why and really there are a few reasons. One of them being…I’m scared to death. I mean what is your biggest fear once you finally get what you’ve desperately wanted? That it will go away. I’m afraid this is going to go away. I have had slight cramping and spotting since the positive. But based on everything I can find online (Google is EVIL and should be taken away from me) this seems very normal because neither the cramping or spotting is bad. The cramping will feel slightly like AF cramps, lasts for 10 seconds then goes away. The spotting is light/watery red and is only present when I wipe. I haven’t even needed a panty liner. But it still worries me, so I’ve said nothing. Until today when I got the results from my first beta draw.

Beta at 15 DPO: HCG=65 Progesterone=14.9

I will be going in tomorrow morning to re-test and make sure the numbers are doubling. The progesterone is a bit on the low side so I’ll now be taking 2 supplements a day rather than 1. My doctor thinks this should be enough since I only started taking the supplements on Monday anyways.

Confession #3: I’ve been scared to make this post. I’m scared not only because it makes the whole thing seem a lot more real, but also because  you guys have become SO important to me. And there are so many of you out there that I consider friends that are deeply struggling and I don’t want to be the person that makes you feel sad. I’ve been there…and even when I feel incredibly excited and happy for a fellow IFer who has announced a pregnancy there is always that small feeling in the back of my mind that says “Why couldn’t it have been me?”.

But now it is me and I’m afraid that it will hurt others who are not there yet. I still need you guys because like I said…I’m scared. But thrilled. It’s almost a little surreal. When I saw that second line, that line that I was starting to believe was a myth and didn’t really exist, I broke down. I sobbed in my bathroom staring at that glorious line wondering if this could really be happening.

It is. I’m pregnant. Please settle in little bug, we already love you so much.

*I have to mention that the 16 DPO test was taken in the early afternoon with very diluted urine hopefully the line will be darker tomorrow.

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32 Comments

Filed under BABIES!, Betas, Celebration, First Trimester, If you're happy and you know it...

32 responses to “Confession Time

  1. I am so, so thrilled for you. And I really mean that. 🙂

  2. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is awesome news!!!!! 😀 😀 😀

  3. Amazing. So happy for you. You made me tear up thinking about the one and only time I saw a second line and my sweet son I have as a result. Hang in there….scared is a very normal way to feel.

  4. Congrats! Really! That is so exciting and about time! 😉

  5. Unbelievably happy for you! And hoping you only get good news from now on!!!

  6. Ess

    Incredible news! So extremely happy for you. Sending you tons of positive vibes and hoping that little bug settles in nicely! Congrats. You deserve it!

  7. WOOHOO!!! Congratulations Trisha!!! I’m hoping for more good news tomorrow!!

  8. thespottedduck

    I’ve only been reading for a short time but want to say congratulations! Your numbers look good, I am sure everything will be great!

  9. Oh my goodness!!!! I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy for you! How wonderful! …and to pull that book of the shelf, dust it off and finally open it. WOW! What a great week!!! Sending blessings!

  10. Oh my gosh!!! That is fabulous!!!! Congratulations~!!!!!

  11. YAY!!!! So happy for you! Congrats!

  12. I am all teared up for you, I you so unbelievably happy for you. I know its flipping scary, if you want proof look through all of my posts that first two weeks after my BFP. I even had one post declaring it was over and I was doomed simply because the line wasn’t darker than the day before, but luckily deleted it within an hour out of guilt. Tomorrow I’ll be 13 weeks and I still don’t really believe it. Its going to be scary, but we’re so lucky to have this fear. Just hold on for dear life and we’re here for you no matter what happens. Xoxo

  13. Wow! What a confession! Very happy for you!

  14. YAYYYYYY!!!!!!! Congrats on getting your elusive second line! I’m sure we’ll all be waiting with baited breath for the wonderful beta results that are sure to follow! I have a good feeling this one will stick! 🙂

  15. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Trust me…you are not alone 😉 Cramping and spotting happens to OTHER PEOPLE right after they get their BFP too 😉 😉 😉 OTHER PEOPLE also delay their announcement until after the beta. 😉 😉 😉

  16. Holy cow! Congratulations!!! And happy reading 🙂

  17. Tracy

    OH MY GOODNESS!!! Deep breaths… and wishing you the best for beta #2 🙂

    YAY!!!!

  18. I am so so excited and happy for you!! Congratulations!

  19. Congrats! Such a good confession! Your sensitivity makes your news even sweeter. So, so, so happy for you (sincerely)! Can’t wait to follow your journey.

  20. Congratulations! So happy for you! Sending good thoughts your way.

  21. veetamia

    Congrats!!! Wonderful news!! Some of us are still waiting for that line to come, but you should know that for the most part (I think, at least I speak for myself) it’s a sign of hope to know that others are getting their dreams!

  22. First goose bumps then tears!! I AM SO SO SO SO SO HAPPY FOR YOU!! I will say a special little prayer for your second beta again I cannot say how happy I am. Congrats, guess what, YOU GOING TO BE A MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!

  23. Congratulations on your fabulous news! 🙂

  24. KT

    That is so exciting!!!!!!! What great news after everything you have been going through the past few months. Good luck with your test today!!

  25. I can imagine how scary and real it must feel to “confess” this on your blog, but I’m glad you did so that everyone can wish you congratulations! and continue along your jouney with you to your second beta and beyond. Congrats!

  26. Do not be scared to share this with us! I’m so happy for you! Every BFP is another point for our team, and another token in our hope bucket. xoxo

  27. Yay!!! Congratulations!! So happy for you 🙂

  28. Happy and Healthy nine months to you, Trisha! You’ve been through a lot to get here and I’m so supremely happy for you. Gives me hope for myself someday 🙂

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