Low confidence

I’m really nervous about this pregnancy. Maybe that is just the infertile in me talking but I am still having trouble with the idea that I could have a baby in December. J says I just need to relax and I know that is true, but it is easier said then done.

I’ve had spotting pretty much since I got my positive. It is never a lot. I don’t even need to wear a panty liner, but my longest streak without it is around 72 hours. It is usually just some light pinkish/red or brownish/red spotting, present only when I wipe, and then it goes away for the rest of the day. Today I had it twice after going to the bathroom (#2). I called my OB and she said it could be a few things, it could be that it is an ectopic pregnancy, it could be a possible miscarriage, or it could be just fine and that my cervix is just a little more sensitive. I’m not cramping at all during this. I have a scan booked for later next week so hopefully by then we will know either way. She sounded hopeful and said the chances of an ectopic or a miscarriage are low…but they are still there.

It doesn’t help that I still don’t feel pregnant. The only thing that has kept me sure is how sore my boobs have been, but today they hardly hurt at all. Cue freak out.

I’ve been sick the past 2 days and was running a low-grade fever. I was working like a freaking maniac to keep my temp down so that the body heat would not cause any damage to the baby. The fever finally broke last night which was a huge relief but I am still feeling pretty blah. Sore throat, headache, and a little cough. By the way…Tylenol sucks. I miss ibuprofen.

Next beta isn’t until Monday. It is going to be a long weekend. I feel sad and scared.



Filed under Depression, First Trimester, Infertility, Just my luck

14 responses to “Low confidence

  1. I can imagine that this will be a very long weekend for you. Try to stay positive and very busy! I’m sorry you are feeling under the weather and low in confidence. I hope you get your energy back and a good report at the dr on Monday, so you can just enjoy what you’ve worked so hard to achieve! Thinking of you…

  2. Are you taking progesterone suppositories? If yes – the applicator / suppositories could be aggravating you somehow? If not – maybe you could talk to your doctor about using them?

    Tylenol definitely sucks. Ibuprofen always worked for fevers for me. Tylenol is not enough. 😦

    Sorry you’re not feeling well… hopefully you will get some good news next week. Hang in there… (and don’t google too much)

  3. Tracy

    Oh gosh -it’s a terrifying time getting to the time when you can have an ultrasound to confirm and help brush away fears. Take deep breaths and keep busy this weekend!

  4. Tami

    Oh sweets. Nothing I say will alleviate your fears. However, try to take stock in your fantastic beta numbers. There is absolutely nothing you can do now- it is 100% out of your hands. Take some big belly breaths when you start to feel yourself getting more anxious. Have faith that you are pregnant right now. And keep reading your that book you dusted off last week. So much love coming your way.

  5. I can’t imagine how stressful times must be for you. I do not have any pregnancy stories to offer, but I can say that anytime my hormones are messed with I spot here and there. You could just have a sensitive cervix that is annoyed by these new hormone levels. Are you on a progesterone supplement? This can definitely cause spottin, too. Can you and your husband take a little day trip this weekend? Maybe go for a walk, drive to a nearby city to window shop, try a new restaurant,etc? I find that leaving my city for even a few hours can clear my head. Something about new architecture really helps. xoxo

  6. M

    The beginning of pregnancy is so hard. One thing my counselor had me say over and over to myself was “I can’t control how this ends, but I can control how I feel right now.” It also helped to remind myself that we ALL got here this way. Yes, things can go wrong, but most of the time things go right. If they didn’t there wouldn’t be so many people in this world. ((hugs)) Hang in there.

  7. S

    I started following your blog last week after I stumbled across your post regarding your first beta. I am pretty much in the exact same place you are with pregnancy. I think my first beta was the same day as yours and was the exact same number. I too am having a few complications and completely understand how you feel right now. I hope that everything works out great for both of us. Just know that there is someone out there that is in the same boat as you and is hoping and praying that everything works out they way we want it to. Take care and try not to stress out too much – easier said than done. Feel free to email me if you need to vent or just want to connect. I look forward to your updates.

  8. Oh Trisha! I’m so sorry about the spotting. It’s so hard to see the blood. Based on everything you’ve shared, I’m leaning towards everything being okay. That said, please, please, please be kind to yourself this weekend. It’s way too easy to drive yourself crazy with worry. I know you won’t be breathing easier until you hear everything is okay, but try to distract yourself. In the meantime, I’m hoping and praying for you. You deserve nothing less than a healthy, happy pregnancy and to hold this baby in your arms.

  9. I can only imagine how hard this must be, but I have read a lot of blogs and forums. MOST woman that struggled find this period very hard, I have seen woman that still test everyday just to make sure the two lines are still there …. Hang in there, hope you feel better soon and I hope that the next beta and scan will put your heart at ease.

    ps. I like your doctor for being so honest and spelling out everything even if it is hard. I say a little prayer for you and your baby xxx I believe that everything will be fine xxx

  10. I’ve never been pregnant so nothing constructive to contribute. But I can imagine how stressful and nerve-racking this wait must be.

    Hang in there. Thinking of u and praying for u.

  11. Shelley

    I’m so so sorry to hear about the spotting, it’s always so scary and sends you into a tailspin. I don’t know if anyone can say anything to make you feel better or to make the weekend go quicker. But I will say that I’m encouraged by the fact that it has been light and hasn’t be accompanied by any cramping. I’ll also say that spotting can be quite common in early pregnancy and most importantly, worrying about it doesn’t do any good. In fact, the stress hormones could do damage. So try your best to stay as positive as possible. And if that doesn’t work, distract distract distract.

    Thinking of you this weekend and praying for good news on Monday.

  12. I am feeling the EXACT same way today. After having no spotting since two days post BFP I woke up to some pink tinged cm/spotting. It seems to be gone now, but Im still being a worry wort. I’m also not having many symptoms, like you.

    This week can’t pass fast enough!

  13. Wife

    Hang in there and just take it one day at a time. And just keep talking about your fears because that’s the only way they stop being so powerful. Keep us posted I’ll be sending good thoughts and vibes your way!

  14. I hope that fever stays away and you feel better soon. I know so many people who didn’t feel pregnant for a long time. My Mom has told me a bunch of times that the only way she knew she was pregnant is because her period was so regular. She missed and just knew. She had no symptoms for so long. Hang in there hon!

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