I knew going into this that some days would be harder than others. Overall I think I am handling the situation pretty well. I’ve only cried once since coming home from the hospital with the knowledge that I would most likely lose the pregnancy. I haven’t cried at all since I talked to my doctor yesterday morning.
Today I went back to work. I’ve been off for 4 days because of how sick I’ve been with the bronchitis and ear infection. Then the whole miscarriage thing came up. Not a good week on my pay check. Today we had to go do a run through for a big event we are having in a couple of weeks. We went to this gorgeous hotel on the beach to see how everything was going to be set up and the entire time I couldn’t stop thinking about how last week I had been trying to think of excuses to not go out drinking with my co-workers after the event was over. I should have been 9 weeks at that point.
It does not help that as of right now I am still pregnant. And I still have to act pregnant. No caffeine, progesterone supplements, no hot tubing to relax, and only Tylenol to ease the pain in my throat. I still have had no pain or cramping, in fact the bleeding has even lightened up a bit. It’s still there, but I have not passed any more clots and still have not needed to wear more than a panty liner. Even that is not really that necessary.
I’m scared that this is going to be a much longer process than I had originally thought. I want this to be over. I want to try again. I want to be pregnant again, with a healthy baby this time. I want to forget this is happening.