Thank you all so much for your support over the past few days. Your comments and words have touched my heart. I know I haven’t responded to those who have contacted me directly but know that I have read everything and I am so grateful for your kindness. Also thank you to all that wrote about me on your own blogs. I never could have imagined such support and I feel so blessed to be part of this community.
Yesterday I had my post-op meeting with my doctor regarding my D&C. There wasn’t much to say about the actual miscarriage since the tissue results will not be in for at least another week. He asked how I was doing, how I was feeling, and we discussed where we go from here.
We discussed which RPL blood tests would be ran and what where all the possible causes for the miscarriage. It was a lot of information and to be honest my mind is still mulling over it all. The thing I took most from it was there are a few possible outcomes and a few different routes we can take depending on those outcomes.
-Chromosome abnormalities. This is best of the bad news. There is no answer they can give me that is good because this whole thing is so horrible, but this would be the best we could hear I guess. 99% of chromosome abnormalities (trisomy) are random. Bad luck. There is only a 1% chance they will happen again. Of course this would most likely put us in the REALLY unlucky group as we have had 2 miscarriages, but still. I guess there is worse. For this there is no treatment…just try, try again.
-Autoimmune or Clotting issues. I’ve already had some of the autoimmune panels ran and they all came back normal, but there are some that were not run like MTHFR. If any of these come back positive we will treat based on which autoimmune it is. If it is a clotting issue we will treat with Heparin.
-Karyotyping. This was one that we had to decide whether to run or not. This one is to test to make sure that both J and I are passing on full genetic DNA. Sometimes we are not passing along enough and it causes issues. This one is harder to treat. Pretty much one of the only ways around it is to do IVF with embryo testing and selection. I’m hoping this is not a choice we will have to make as right now, I do not think this is a path we are willing to take. We had to decide to test or not because there is a chance our insurance will not cover it and the test can be as much as $900 each. I bit the bullet and had the karyotyping done on me. I’m still not decided if we will test J or not. I know we should, I’m just waiting to see how my insurance handles it.
-No answers. This is always a possibility. One I am dearly hoping we do not have to face. All the tests come back normal and we have nothing to go on. No insight as to why I not still pregnant. My doctor said in this situation he would still like to try Heparin, but we will have to discuss it more if it comes down to it.
We already know that my uterus is healthy and able to sustain a pregnancy as I had an SIS last October and everything was perfect. I’m also having him run a thyroid panel as I haven’t had it tested in a year and much has changed with my body since then.
So now we wait. We wait for the D&C results and the blood results. In the meantime my doctor put me on birth control. I know! Birth control! The PCOSer in my objected of course, but he looked me in the eye and said to me “How would you feel if you got pregnant this month? Because that is possible.” I couldn’t answer him, I felt panicked. This is why he wanted me on it. He knows I am not ready, I can’t do that right now and I need to have peace of mind right now. He promised me that he would never give me BC if he thought for even a second that it would cause my body to stop ovulating on its own. He said I had to trust him. So I took a leap of faith and filled the prescription. The fact of the matter is I can’t even think about getting pregnant right now. I just can’t. The crazy truth is that right now I am able to get pregnant easily (words I’d never thought I’d type). In 2012 so far we have tried to have a baby only 3 of the months. 2 of those 3 months I have gotten pregnant. Right now I am not in a place to deal with that. So maybe he is right and it is what I need.
I’ve told my boss that I will be back at work tomorrow. I don’t exactly feel ready, but I don’t think that I ever will. Things are going to change for me, of that I am certain. But I will post more about that later. For now I’m just trying to get on with my life. I need to stop hiding away. It will take time before my wounds heal but I know it is time to rip the band-aid off.