Fair warning: This post may be hard to read for someone struggling to get pregnant. If you feel like you are going to be offended by my bitching you might want to skip this one. If you do read it, please try to understand my perspective.
On Friday I came home from work and found some blood in my panties. Based on my signs and symptoms I am 95% sure that I ovulated around the 28th or 29th of August. So seeing the blood made me panic that the D&C had messed with my luteal phase since I was only maybe 9DPO. I brushed away the worries and tried to concentrate on the fact that at least I had gotten my period and that my body seemed to still be working properly. But still I felt uneasy about the whole thing. So I pulled out my thermometer the next morning to take my temperature. Still high. My temp always drops the day before my period. So I got up at 5:30am to go check what was going on. Hardly any blood on the tampon. No cramps. No bleeding when I wiped. This was starting to feel very familiar…very similar to my first miscarriage.
Throughout the day yesterday I tried to not worry about it. Breakthrough bleeding isn’t that uncommon after a D&C. I’m sure it was just my out-of-whack hormones and that my real period would start right on time. During the day the bleeding started picking up again, not enough to be considered a period, just present when I wiped. Bright red blood with stringy tissue bits. Finally I got the guts up and took a pregnancy test.
You guessed it…it was positive.
Please no one congratulate me. I am no longer the delusional girl I used to be and I am very aware of the fact that this is NOT a healthy pregnancy. The bleeding has now become heavier, I am now having to wear a light pad. My temp was high again this morning though I haven’t dared to take another test. No need to torture myself anymore than I already am.
The thing that absolutely kills me is this is the ONE month in 2 years that I didn’t want to see that second line. As I was waiting for the test dye to spread I thought over and over “please be a bfn”. Nope, the universe doesn’t work that way for me. And even better, I can count on one hand the number of times we had sex before I left of vacation and have quite a few fingers left over. More than I used in fact. The number of times we had sex kinda near an ovulation window…one. ONE. For a damn year we were having sex everyday near ovulation and NOTHING HAPPENED. Why of all the months does this have to happen?
I’m guessing this is considered a chemical pregnancy. I mean based on when I ovulated I would not even be 4 weeks. So I don’t know what to do with this new information. Do I call my doctor? I do not want to run betas. In my mind this is already over. Do I just keep temping and wait for my temp to drop so we can start trying again? When will CD 1 be since I am already bleeding?
The thought entered my mind that this is left over from my previous pregnancy but I feel like that is unlikely. I am 95% sure I ovulated. I’m so frustrated. I mean does this count as my 3rd miscarriage in 6 months? Most people would probably not even know they were pregnant, just having an early light period. But I’ve been dealing with this shit for too long and I knew something was up. So now I’m scared as to what this means. Is this just going to be my life? Getting pregnant easily only to lose it in weeks or in this case days? I don’t know what to do. Someone please tell me what to do.