Sounds about right.

There is a sac. An empty gestational sac. Are you freaking KIDDING ME?

I decided it was a good idea to get an ultrasound done just to make sure we were good for this cycle. So I called up my OB and went in for an appointment this morning. It was torturous. They were running late so for 45 min. I sat in the waiting room surrounded by pregnant women. The entire time I sat trying (and sometimes failing) to hold back tears as I said over and over in my head “I should be here…I should be here with my 16 week pregnant belly”. When I got in with my doctor I lost it for the first time since finding out about this chemical pregnancy.

She agrees that with the amount of bleeding and cramping that I’ve had that there is no way this is a viable pregnancy. But surprise surprise…as soon as the ultrasound shows up there is the sac.  We drew blood today to check my HCG levels and we will re-draw them on Monday then next Thursday I will go back to see if the sac has passed. If not, well I don’t even want to think about that.

The kicker? We are benched. For 2 cycles. No trying for us. This upsets me more than the chemical pregnancy. In January I made a wish. All I wanted was to be pregnant by the end of this year. Apparently I need to be more specific about my wishes. Because I did get pregnant, 3 times, but I will not be by the end of the year.

My OB said that the cause of this is unknown. It could be that my body and lining were just not ready. Or it could be that there is something fundamentally wrong with my body that they cannot figure out. She still believes that I will be able to carry a baby to term. She just doesn’t know how many more losses will proceed a take home baby. This is the same thing my RE said to me.

So how many more can I take? Will my heart and marriage make it through? I don’t know. I just don’t know.

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18 Comments

Filed under Depression, Infertility, Just my luck, Miscarriage, Pregnancy, Scans

18 responses to “Sounds about right.

  1. Good gracious Trisha – really hoping you can catch a break soon. Go treat yourself to something. You deserve it. Thinking of you,

  2. Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry! I was really hoping nothing was there. You and your marriage will make it through. I know it’s hard and scary now, but I really believe you will get pregnant with a healthy and viable embryo that will bring you a healthy and happy baby! Lmk if you need anything!!! I’m here!

  3. Jen

    Oh man. I’m so sorry you are going through this! What a nightmare. Sending hugs to you and hoping things get better soon.

  4. For Pete’s sake. Tricia I’m so sorry. You deserve to hit the fertility jackpot asap. xoxo

  5. Oh good grief. What the hell..sorry it keeps raining on you. I completely get the “how much more can we take”… I am told too just to keep trying and hope to succeed. I hope this goes quickly for you.

  6. Wow… I was not expecting this! Crossing my fingers everything happens naturally!

  7. I’m so very sorry. It is so hard, and I can understand the frustration at being benched. That was one of the worst things – the eternal wait. I’m so very, very sorry.

  8. I am so so sorry!! I wish there was more I could say to help. I am thinking of you and hope that time speeds by for you! I know it is no fun to wait!

  9. Ugh, I am so sorry. And I am especially sorry you have to do more waiting. It is like insult added to injury. Am thinking of you and sending strength. Hopefully things will be better soon.

  10. Oh no. When are you going to get a break!!! I’m so so sorry.

  11. Oh, I’m so sorry. The waiting is just so frustrating.

  12. Oh, honey, I feel for you. I’m so sorry that bad things just keep happening. And I know being benched royally sucks. You are strong though, so you WILL get through this and your marriage WILL survive. It just won’t be easy for a while. I’m here if you need anything. Anything at all.

  13. D

    Ugh. I am so sorry, Trisha. Being forced out of the game for a while totally sucks. Thinking about you and wishing you the strength to get through this.

  14. Oh Trisha, I am so sorry. That sucks that you have to wait 2 cycles to try again.

  15. Oh, I’m so sorry. 😦 Praying for you that the two cycle wait is just what your body needs to give you a take home baby.

  16. Sorry for this loss and having to wait to try again. Still thinking of you.

  17. I’m so sorry hun. I know it sucks to have to wait to try again. I’ll hang with you and we can commiserate on how bad this sucks. xoxo

  18. I’m sorry you are going through this. Here’s hoping that the results on your D&C provide some answers and that your doctors will help you get that bring home baby.

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