Salt in the Wound

A conversation that I had with my phlebotomist this morning when getting my blood drawn to make sure my HCG levels are declining. *Note this was not at my OB or RE’s office. It was just a blood draw place at the hospital.

Her: Which arm today?

Me: *handing her my right arm since it is closest to her* This one is fine.

Her: Oh, is that a bruise?

Me: Oh yeah, I had my blood drawn on Friday. Should I use the other arm?

Her: No that is fine.


Her: So are you pregnant?

Me: *Feeling awkward* Actually I am in the process of miscarrying.

Her: Oh I’m sorry…was it planned?

Me: I guess technically no, but we’ve been trying for a while. This one surprised us though.

Her: I’m actually trying to get pregnant too. I’m taking my first pregnancy test tomorrow before going to the doctor.

Me: Oh wow…good luck. *Desperately wanting this conversation to end*

Her: Yeah, I really hope I’m pregnant. I’ve been feeling kinda light headed and sorta…queasy, ya know?

Me: Those are good signs.

Her: So how do you know if you are miscarrying? Do you start spotting?

Me: *Wanting to run away although the needle is still in my arm* Well I’ve been trying for 2 years so I’m really in-tune with my body. So this time I knew something was wrong because I started bleeding too soon after ovulation. Others that I have had have been different though.

Her: Oh okay. I just really want to be pregnant.

Me: *thinking “yeah, me too bitch”* I’m sure it will work out for you. *Cries on the inside*

Her: It’s like when you have a boyfriend you don’t want to get pregnant. But when you are ready you are so scared that you won’t be able to get pregnant!

Me: Mmmhmmm.

Her: I just really hope it goes well tomorrow.

Me: *Silence*

Her: Okay you are all done.

Me: Thanks. Good luck to you.

Her: Thank you!

The end. Next time I go she will probably have a baby belly to show for it and I’ll still be in the same damn place I’ve been for the last 2 years.



Filed under Betas, Infertility, Just my luck, Miscarriage, People suck

25 responses to “Salt in the Wound

  1. Ohhhh sweetie I’m sorry! God! That’s so unprofessional and annoying. And soooo insensitive.

  2. OMG, that is the most dreadful exchange I have ever heard happening in a hospital (well, as it relates to pregnancy and loss anyway)! She must have been young. I can’t imagine someone older (and hopefully wiser) saying something so awful. I’m so sorry you had to sit there while she rambled on like that.

  3. Again, I have no words. F*ck. That’s about how I feel. I’m sorry, girl. That sucks.

  4. You are so much nicer than I am. I would have gotten my fork out… and stabbed her with it. Repeatedly.

    Which is exactly what I did to my eye doctor last week after a discussion of the medications I was on led to a conversation about infertility. He took his last breath right after he offered this little gem of advice: “Oh, why don’t you just adopt? For all the money you’ve spent on fertility treatments, you could already have a baby”.


    Next time you get your blood taken, I’ll loan you my fork.

  5. Depending on your mood, I would report this one. Honestly, I get it: just trying to make conversation, but WTF?!?

    Look at it this way: you’re doing her a favor too. Because I wouldn’t want to cross Tami, especially now that I know she carries a fork.

  6. Awful! That girl needs some duct tape over her mouth. Or even better — I really like Tami’s fork idea above. So sorry you had to go through that!

  7. D

    Wow. I have gotten some insensitive remarks from people in the medical profession before, but I have never heard anything quite like you experienced today. I am so sorry that you had to deal with that completely ignorant and spacey person. Why can’t people just keep their mouths shut sometimes? I agree with Tami, that girl deserved a nice fork stabbing.

  8. Wow. How do you tell if you are miscarrying? Google it, lady, google it. What you don’t do is ask the miscarrying lady how she was able to tell. What crap. I’m sorry you had to deal with her.

  9. What how awful. I’m so sorry. My best friend called me a week after my d&c because she was spotting and wanted to know what my spotting was like. Some people have no couth, they just don’t get it!!! I’m sorry, I wish people just knew how to deal with things and not be so narcissistic.

  10. Theresa

    Good god. Wasn’t the ” im in the process of miscarrying” enough of a hint?

  11. Jen

    WOW. I want to punch that lady in the face. Good lord, she works in the MEDICAL FIELD! Shouldn’t there be some kind of sensitivity training or something? I mean, we infertiles get our blood drawn A LOT.

  12. Oh, this kind of shit makes me so f***ing angry! I’m so sorry you had to go through this, chica. You would think that someone trained in the medical profession would be more sensitive in a situation like this. Maybe ask your RE if they can draw the blood there next time? I can’t help you in real life, but I am air-punching that dumbass in the face for you right now! 🙂

  13. Oh for crying out loud I want to slap her. What the hell is wrong with people?

  14. What a clueless idiot. I’m sorry you had to deal with that today on top of everything else.

  15. Deb

    This makes me sick. Those who work in hospitals should know better! I can’t believe how calm and polite you were. I would have ripped her head off! So sorry you had to deal with this.

  16. I’m so sorry that she was so insensitive. Ugh. That really sucks. You handled it with grace, for sure. I agree with a previous poster about possibly mentioning it to her supervisor. Others may not handle such insensitivity so well.

  17. EmHart

    Health professionals need lessons in empathy and keeping their fat gobs shut. Unbelievable.

  18. When I had an incomplete miscarriage, the dr asked me how everything was going and when I told her I passed my daughter at home, she said “It wasn’t technically a baby.” I lost it. I think some health professionals need to attend some sensitivity training. I’m very sorry that this happened to you.

  19. Karaleen

    I think it may be time for some “sensitivity training” at the hospital lab. I would really consider this a good reason to write a very nice letter to the management letting them know they may need to help their employees be a bit more sensitive. Oh my word….how awful for you. I’m sooo sorry.

  20. Damn, way for life to kick you while you’re down! That is horrible :-\

  21. Oh goodness. You’re awesome! I admire how you carried yourself through that conversation. I probably would have pulled the needle out of my arm and stick her with it. Sorry, I’m still working on my anger management. xoxo

  22. M

    OMG! I’m so sorry you had to deal with that.

  23. I’ve so had those awkward situations. You showed real restraint in not going postal. {{{{hugs}}}}

  24. I’m still amazed at what passes from people’s lips. She really didn’t think it was best to drop the subject immediately? Why do we have to be happy for other people? Why can’t we look straight at ’em and tell it like it is: I hope I don’t have to hear about your pregnancy while I’m still trying to get pregnant. I don’t want to know or have to “share” in your joy. My heart goes out to you.

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