Highs and Lows

This week has been an emotional one. I feel like I’ve been riding a wave that rises and then falls. Believe it or not I am actually doing okay after the news we got on Wednesday. Sure I still have a lot of questions and I am by no means “over it” but I accept that this is all we are going to know and that I have to make peace with that. A lot of other things happened this week though so to best lay them all out I am implementing bullet points!

  • Monday: My HCG levels that were drawn on the previous Thursday (the day we saw the sac) came back at 0. This confuddles me but I think it is the first time that I was actually happy to hear of a zero HCG result.
  • Tuesday: I have a job interview that totally threw me off. It was a 3rd interview that happened 3 whole weeks after the 2nd. For the 2nd interview I had to memorize a script, which I did and did well. They did not mention that I would have to repeat the same script at the 3rd interview (3 weeks later!) so I botched it. I don’t like failing.
  • Wednesday: I have another job interview for a position I desperately want. It is a working interview that they have scheduled from 8am-12pm. By 9:30am they have offered me the position. YAY! Comes with an awesome work schedule (M-TH 8am-7pm so I have a three day weekend every week!) and does not involve children at all. Average client age is 45. Score. I’m thrilled about the job then I get that dreaded e-mail that tells me the D&C results. Lots of crying ensues.
  • Thursday: I go for another check up at my OB’s office. There is no longer a gestational sac. But now there is a small pool of blood in my uterus. Not really a problem but my OB does predict that I will ovulate in about a week so we decide to use Methergine which will cause my uterus to contract and expel the blood. Fun weekend for me ahead.
  • Friday: I go into my old work and turn in my keys. Sadness ensues because although I have been kinda miserable there lately I will miss the people. They are good people and it really is a great place to work…just not if you are struggling with infertility. Tami calls me and makes my day.

So yeah. Interesting week. I have called my RE and I plan to meet with him to discuss the results of the D&C. Mostly what his opinion is on what we should do next (Lovenox is what I am thinking) and if we truly have to wait 2 cycles. This is the recommendation from my OB, but I know she is not a specialist in this field so I’d rather have his opinion. I know we will for sure not try this cycle, what with the blood pool and all, but I feel like we should be okay for October. Or maybe I’m just in denial. That is a real possibility.



Filed under Crazy? I'm not crazy!, Healing, Infertility, Living Life

11 responses to “Highs and Lows

  1. Theresa

    Congrats on the job!!! Go treat yourself! You deserve it!!

  2. Sorry for the roller coaster ride this week, but congrats on the new job! So happy that one thing went right for you. I’m glad you have an appointment with your RE. I hope, together, you can come up with a plan that gives you peace, hope, and the best chance at success. Thinking of you!

  3. Yay for your new job and the zero HCG!! Theresa’s right, you should totally treat yourself!

  4. A

    Sometimes it’s not so bad to be in denial every now and then. I’m not saying you are, I’m just saying, if you ever find that you are, don’t sweat it too much. We’ve got enough other shit to deal with anyway. Right?
    Big hugs to you. Take care of yourself 🙂

  5. Jen

    Wow, what a crazy week of very high highs and very low lows. Congrats on the new job – it sounds like the right move!

  6. Congratulations on the new job!! I hope the next few days and weeks will calm down and bring you some peace. Thinking of you.

  7. Praise the lord for the new job! I’m sorry you’re still experiencing some lows. I’m praying for you that this new job is a good distraction to let you refocus on you, and that you start to feel like yourself again. Sending you hugs my dear!

  8. Congrats on the new job! Sounds like a great fit for you.

    Sending prayers your way that October will be the magical, lucky month for a healthy BFP. 🙂

  9. EmHart

    Congratulations on the job, wowsa, what a week!

  10. That is alot of ups and downs! I was sorry to hear about the D and C results… can’t imagine how frustrating and disappointing that has to be. I’m glad you will be seeing your RE to discuss the next steps. And the new job should be a great distraction while you have to wait on the green light. Congrats on that!

  11. Damn the lows! Congrats on the highs though, HCG 0 and a new job! Woo hoo!

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