Seriously, it is kinda out of control. Lately I’ve found myself coming up with anyway possible to talk about my infertility / miscarriages. Absolute strangers are now hearing about my TTC woes and I’m at a stage where I just don’t care how uncomfortable I am making them. They WILL listen to me talk about my babies, whether they like it or not.
It just comes out of my mouth, it is uncontrollable. It is like Lindsay Lohan (Cady) said in “Mean Girls”:
I was a woman possessed. I spent about 80 percent of my time talking about Regina. And the other percent of the time, I was praying for someone else to bring her up so I could talk about her more.
This is me and my IF. I want to talk about it non-stop and when I am not talking about it I am hoping someone will say something that will allow me to start talking about it again. Today I was getting eyelash extensions (LOVE THEM!) and I kept hoping that this lady, whom I had never met before, would ask me about the small birthstones that now live around my throat. Why do I feel the need to share these very personal moments with everyone I make eye contact with?
Let me state something for the record: I am all about being open about miscarriage. I hate that so many people feel the need to hide it like it is a dirty secret. unfortunately it is a fact of life. 40% of pregnancies end in miscarriage although a lot of them are so early that they are not even recognized. Society is shockingly uneducated about miscarriage and infertility, and I for one refuse to act like it is something shameful.
That being said, I really don’t think that grocery store lady who is checking me out needs to hear about my miscarriages. That just makes me seem really crazy. Which I am, but why let the world know that? I know Tami has kinda been going through the same thing lately so I wonder if it is part of the grieving process? Has anyone else felt the need to tell anyone you come in contact with about your infertility?
I think part of it for me is that it makes my babies feel more real. Like they were actual children that I loved and very much wanted, rather than just a second line on a pee stick or a grainy image on an ultrasound machine. They were MY babies. So why not talk about them?
I just wish I could find a more appropriate outlet for it though. At the rate I’m going there will be a commercial of me during Monday Night Football letting the world know just how infertile I really am. I might start working on a dance routine for it…