I have a bad case of word vomit

Seriously, it is kinda out of control. Lately I’ve found myself coming up with anyway possible to talk about my infertility / miscarriages. Absolute strangers are now hearing about my TTC woes and I’m at a stage where I just don’t care how uncomfortable I am making them. They WILL listen to me talk about my babies, whether they like it or not.

It just comes out of my mouth, it is uncontrollable. It is like Lindsay Lohan (Cady) said in “Mean Girls”:

I was a woman possessed. I spent about 80 percent of my time talking about Regina. And the other percent of the time, I was praying for someone else to bring her up so I could talk about her more.

This is me and my IF. I want to talk about it non-stop and when I am not talking about it I am hoping someone will say something that will allow me to start talking about it again. Today I was getting eyelash extensions (LOVE THEM!) and I kept hoping that this lady, whom I had never met before, would ask me about the small birthstones that now live around my throat. Why do I feel the need to share these very personal moments with everyone I make eye contact with?

Let me state something for the record: I am all about being open about miscarriage. I hate that so many people feel the need to hide it like it is a dirty secret. unfortunately it is a fact of life. 40% of pregnancies end in miscarriage although  a lot of them are so early that they are not even recognized. Society is shockingly uneducated about miscarriage and infertility, and I for one refuse to act like it is something shameful.

That being said, I really don’t think that grocery store lady who is checking me out needs to hear about my miscarriages. That just makes me seem really crazy. Which I am, but why let the world know that? I know Tami has kinda been going through the same thing lately so I wonder if it is part of the grieving process? Has anyone else felt the need to tell anyone you come in contact with about your infertility?

I think part of it for me is that it makes my babies feel more real. Like they were actual children that I loved and very much wanted, rather than just a second line on a pee stick or a grainy image on an ultrasound machine. They were MY babies. So why not talk about them?

I just wish I could find a more appropriate outlet for it though. At the rate I’m going there will be a commercial of me during Monday Night Football letting the world know just how infertile I really am. I might start working on a dance routine for it…



Filed under BABIES!, Crazy? I'm not crazy!, Healing, Infertility, Miscarriage, questions

15 responses to “I have a bad case of word vomit

  1. Peaches

    This is very funny (not your struggles, the way you wrote it). I don’t see anything wrong with telling people. You deserve to have them feel real. I really do wish you all the best.

  2. Oh, you’re not alone! I don’t want to talk about it, but I DO. All the freaking time! I can’t help myself. The other day, I met someone for the first time at my mom’s group and she asked if we were thinking about giving my daughter a sibling and I said, “Oh yes. In fact, we lost a baby in April.” Um, what?! I am the most private person in the world. What made me say that??? And it wasn’t even the first time! I’ve done it countless times since my miscarriage. So I’ve been there. I’m still there! And I think it’s exactly what you said…I just want the baby whom I miss so much to be as real to the rest of the world as he was to me. And I think whatever helps you to cope at this point must be done. So be it if a stranger has to listen to your woes! They’ll get over it.

  3. Omg. I go through the same thing sometimes It’s the weirdest shit. Send me An email anytime you want to talk about it. I can talk about infertility and miscarriage all day everyday! Hugs!

  4. I say go for it. Talking about it is a healthy coping mechanism (or so psychologists say), and if you can feel better and educate someone at the same time it’s like a hidden bonus.
    I’ll totally help you with the dance routine, BTW.

  5. Just wanted to add that I threw the psychologist comment in there to try to be funny, but as I went back and read it hoped it didn’t seem insulting – I didn’t mean it that way!

  6. I’ll be your backup dancer (my 2 left feet and all)!! With some jazz-hands and BFN pee sticks taped to our torsos, I think we could put together quite a number, don’t you think? 🙂

    I want to see your new eyelashes!!!

  7. You are not alone! I felt very similarly after our loss in June! I think it definitely helps with the grieving process and I think if it helps you, then you should talk about it as much as you need to! And if it is with a stranger, you will probably never see them again!!

  8. While I’ve never had a miscarriage (that I know of), I have often thought this very same thing…why is experiencing a miscarriage always such a secret? I get that part of it is to spare people from uncomfortable situations and heartache – particularly those who knew about the pregnancy – but it seems to me that it would be more therapeutic for the woman experiencing the loss to be able to talk about it openly. That’s how I feel about my IF anyway – I want to be able to talk about it openly with anyone, be it my hairstylist or my BFF. I want to break down the walls in our society that make these topics so taboo.

  9. Oh my friend, I love you so. First the Mean Girls quote (When is it no longer appropriate to quote Mean Girls? The limit does not exist!), and then the IF/MC vomit. I am suffering from the same thing. I have a necklace too, but mine is a feather…. I’m planning a tattoo. On my wrist. I sort of hope it will draw attention. I talk to EVERYone about this, about the baby who never got to be. I know people are uncomfortable, but I don’t care. I’m uncomfortable NOT talking about it! Maybe we are a little crazy… but maybe the world needs a little more crazy out in the open, and maybe that will breed a little more compassion. God knows we could use some…

    Hang in there, friend. You are not alone!!

  10. Lyndsey

    I do the same thing. It helps me deal with the grief. And I agree with you. Miscarriage is so taboo for so many people which is weird since it’s so incredibly common. I tell the lady checking me out too!

  11. YES! Some days I want nothing more than to stand in the middle of downtown and tell every business person, every teenager skipping school, every homeless guy that I’m infertile and my one baby is dead. Maybe that is why I finally started counseling – because I’m finally ready to talk about it. The problem = no one wants to hear. I have one friend who asks me about it and still acknowledge the short life of my baby. Everyone else, gone. Everyone knew about my IVF and pregnancy at work. They were also all told about my loss. No one has said one word to me about it since. I came back from a week off after my D&C and they said nothing. No one has even invited me to lunch since them. My parents who knew don’t talk about their dead grandchild. No one wants to talk about it. And it is slowly picking away at my heart. SO all of off that to say – yes. I understand. I think it stems from our need to talk about it and process the loss and the utter disregard so many people have for it. Thank you for this post. It is reassuring to know I’m not alone.

  12. Pingback: My baby | Scrambled Eggs

  13. 35life

    I find it interesting that the ones who I would expect would be willing to talk about the struggles, don’t, and that I’m constantly surprised by those who step it up and do provide support. I haven’t had a loss, but infertility definitely makes me understand this post. Sometimes I regret bringing it up though, too. Like to a friend who is a little bit OCD and will text or ask me every day in a 2ww if I’m feeling anything yet. Or the fact that I spilled to the dentist office when I had to explain why I needed a rush on an appt to get it in before IVF. I got an appt reminder call, along with a “how’s it going, any news?!” Sometimes I wish I didn’t spill, but, I don’t know, not talking about it is bad too. Like the elephant in the room that everyone’s ignoring.

  14. This is interesting, I think it’s wonderful that you feel comfortable with talking about your babies. I want to talk about our loss but can’t figure out how to begin so I don’t bring it up much. Or maybe I’m not ready just yet.

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