Is that the other shoe I hear zooming to the ground?

I’m on CD 18. No ovulation. Cue FREAK OUT. I mean major freak out. I was so convinced that my temp was going to be up this morning that when that stupid thermometer flashed 97.1 I immediately felt sick to my stomach. I couldn’t get back to sleep even though I still had a little while before I had to be up. I called my RE this morning in a panic asking if he could run a E2 blood test to see where my estrogen was at and see if I was close to ovulation. Not surprisingly he said he could run a progesterone test, which I told him is pointless because I know I haven’t ovulated, and offered to do an ultrasound. Thing is, my insurance won’t cover said ultrasound and I can’t exactly fork over $200 today. So I told him it wasn’t necessary, hung up the phone and burst into tears.

Mind you this is all happening while I am at work. Luckily before we opened so no patients were here but I was trying to get a grip and hide the fact that I am an emotional mess from my boss. In fact I’m at work on my break right now typing this and I’m again tearing up. They are gonna think I am mental.

CD 18 isn’t so unreasonable for me to have not ovulated…my latest ovulation was CD 23 so I really shouldn’t be freaking out, but in June when I got pregnant I ovulated on CD 16. After my D&C I ovulated 3 weeks later (not sure what CD as I wasn’t charting, but I know it was quick). After the chemical the best I can tell I ovulated around CD 15. What. The. Hell.

To make matters worse I had EWCM CD 13-15. Now I have none. I had a huge temp rise on CD 10 (which freaked me out because I thought I was ovulating early. Now I wish I had.) but it dropped the next day.

Since my surgery I have ovulated every cycle on my own. There is no reason to think that that will change anytime soon, but I can’t help it. I can’t forget about the year we spent TTC when I ovulated only 4 times, all on Clomid. I can’t be annovulatory again. I can’t go back to fertility meds. I’m too damn scared. Last time it landed me in the OR for an emergency surgery. I just can’t.

I’m really scared right now. I know I should try to relax but I can’t. Please ovulate…oh please, please, please.

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15 Comments

Filed under Crazy? I'm not crazy!, Depression, Infertility, PCOS

15 responses to “Is that the other shoe I hear zooming to the ground?

  1. I could have written this today. Literally. I called my nurse this am…cycle day 20 for me and the lh line on my sticks not even tinting darker. I am bitterly sucking up the money for an ultrasound tomorrow and then I will be pissed when there are no big follicles. I hate this too….and I also had EWCM three days ago. Ugh.

  2. Tami

    Oh sweets. I can feel you panic from over here. There are still 5 more days to go before you reach that 25 day mark. I know that doesn’t help you *now*, but I feel like the window hasn’t closed yet. I have all the faith in the world in Lefty. She hasn’t let you down to date. She won’t/can’t now. Sending so much love to my friend and her ovary.

    • I’m with Tami on this. You’re still in the window and with all the stress recently, I wouldn’t be surprised if ovulation is just delayed. Hoping that you pop that follicle soon. Come on Lefty!!

  3. I hope you ovulate soon, friend. Hopefully just around the corner.

  4. I’m so sorry. I know exactly what you mean about the temping and waking up to see it had NOT risen even though you had pointedly instructed it to before you went to bed. I temped for almost a year and it was killer.
    I can tell you that temps aren’t always 100% correct and small things can change it but i know you already know all of that. Are you using OPKs? Maybe that can help cross-reference…

    • OPK’s have actually never worked for me. Due to my PCOS they ALWAYS look positive. I’m sincerely wishing right now that they worked because I’m a basket case.

  5. I know how hard this is. Worrying about ovulation sets me off every time. I find myself anxiety-ridden and panicked if I’m getting close to that time and unsure if it will happen. BUT we do know that your one ovary has been a good girl so far. She has been reliably working hard. If we look at that…then we can ASSUME that she will probably do it again. She’s just dragging her feet a bit. I really hope that’s what it is! Hang in there, friend.

  6. Cheering loudly for ovulation to show up soon!! And loudly booing any other shoes dropping!

  7. Oh that definitely happened to me, too, because I tended to ovulate on a different CD every month. i knew that, yet I freaked out anyway. Bah. Go egg go!

  8. I am sorry ms. ovulation is not cooperating with you!! I hope that she picks up the speed & works for you very very soon!!

  9. Hello from ICLW … I feel your pain. I usually O around day 18 or 19, which is late enough as it is, but sometimes my body hangs on until 20 or 21, which is just torturous and makes me wonder if it’s really going to happen. I hope that today is the day you will wake up to a lovely high temperature.

  10. Do NOT freak out. Ovulation and cycles are super wonky after D&C’s. My cycles haven’t really ever been that normal but just hang in there. Keep temping and go to the doc because it will help put you at ease. But stress doesn’t help you O, it may actually hinder it. I’m sorry, I’ll get off my soapbox.

    In all seriousness, freaking out when TTC is totally normal. I hope you DO O soon 🙂 Good luck!

    ICLW #16

  11. Visiting from ICLW . . . I am at CD25 today and I still don’t think I’ve ovulated (I couldn’t temp the last 2 days for various annoying reasons). So even if I did O, it wouldn’t have been until CD23 or 24. Prior to this I was consistently O’ing on CD20, which is still far too late for my liking (my cycles are only 28-30 days). I have my first RE appt on Tuesday and I hope he has answers or at least can give me more hope. Good luck to you!

  12. This entry is NOTE FOR NOTE where I’m at right now! I, too have PCOS, am on Day 18 of my cycle today, and I cannot splurge on a $250 ultrasound on Monday, so I’m just going to need to be in the dark about it all this week. I have been having the most EWCM ever in my life the past 2 days, but still no elevated ovulation temps, and last month I ovulated on CD 16. Due to the PCOS my OPKs can’t always be trusted either. It’s so damn frustrating because I have no clue if this cycle will be a bust. It’s so annoying when the doc says she’ll do a progesterone test. Ummm, HELLO! I haven’t ovulated!

  13. I am so sorry it is causing you so much stress and panic. The uncertainty after your losses must be almost unbearable. Hope and pray things get better soon.

    ICLW #74 Dragondreamer’s Lair

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