Monthly Archives: March 2013


Earlier this week we finally were assigned our social worker. From here things should really start taking off! Next week is spring break for the kids in our area so she is unable to start our interviews next week which is a little annoying, but I guess I can’t fault someone for wanting to spend time with their kids.

The week of the 7th J and I will both have our individual interviews. From there we will do a joint interview / home inspection and that is pretty much it! She will have 6 weeks to write-up the home study so it is looking like everything will be complete at the end of May. Of course I wish it was sooner, but there is not much I can do about it so I’m just trying to roll with it.

I’m very excited / nervous about the individual interviews. Mostly because I’m not sure how in-depth they will probe. J is a very honest person. There isn’t a lot he could say that is bad, but if they ask certain questions he is not they type to give them a bunch of fluff. Honestly we have a great marriage and we are in a better place than we have been in a long time, but no couple is perfect. Our biggest issue revolves are sex which is something I have a very hard time talking about especially to someone I don’t know. Hopefully it will not be awkward though.

I started my new job which is good but leaves me completely exhausted. I’ve cut hair before but never in a place like this. There is a constant flow of clients all day long. Today I had to tell my boss I hadn’t taken a break yet when my shift was only an hour and a half from ending. Plus I haven’t stood on my feet all day long like this in quite a while. So yeah…I’m tired. In fact I think I’m going to wrap this up so I can  take a nap until J gets home. Sleep is calling friends.




Filed under adoption, Home Study, Living Life

Change is in the air!

Life is interesting. The way it twists and turns is so unpredictable. Literally hours after my post about starting our adoption journey my life swerved again. I lost my job. And honestly, it was not a bad thing.

I’m not an unintelligent woman. I know when things are not working out, and this job was definitely not working out. I was very unhappy there and I resented the person they were trying to make me. So I started looking for new jobs. Well my boss beat me to the punch and let me go before I could turn in my notice, which sucks, but 3 days later I had a new job offer. This time using the skills that I worked hard for.

I’m going to be working in a mainstream salon cutting hair, something I haven’t done since we moved to California 3 years ago. I feel SO good about this. There is a little guilt about it, knowing potentially how fast this adoption could come through, but I am telling myself that I can’t worry about that and that I need to do what is best for me right now. For 2 1/2 years I’ve put my own dreams and wants on hold because I was so sure a child would enter our lives soon. This time I am not making that mistake. Next week I’ll be going to trainings all week and then I will be official.

In the meantime I had a minor freak-out when I spoke to our home study agency yesterday and realized they had not received the packet I had sent them over a week ago. The packet not only contained all our applications but a very large check, our birth certificates, marriage certificates, and our social security numbers. The city it was addressed to is no more than an hour away so I lost my mind thinking something had happened and all our information was sent to the wrong place. Luckily the agency called me today to let me know that it finally arrived. So for the moment I can breathe easily again. Hopefully we will be contacted by our social worker in about a week and we will be able to set up an appointment for our first interview.

We’ve been busy gathering all the other things we need as well. We got our fingerprints and background checks done last week and now we are working on physicals. J had his earlier this week but my doctor can’t see me till the 25th. It shouldn’t be a problem though. I’m also starting to get our house organized a bit in preparation for our home check. Mostly this will be things such as baby proofing drawers and getting cleaning supplies and medications locked up. That I can do.

I also wanted to do a small call out to bloggers out there. My blog list while extensive, is pretty lacking in adoption blogs. So please, send me your links or links that you know are going through this process as well! I’m very much looking forward to finding some new blogs to dive into. By the way, this doesn’t mean I’m giving up my old blogs. I know I haven’t been a good commenter lately, but I am still reading everyone’s blogs every day. Still wishing and hoping for every single one of you as well. Hopefully once things settle down I’ll be able to dedicate more time to catching up. Hope you all have a wonderful week!




Filed under adoption, Crazy? I'm not crazy!, Home Study, Living Life

A New Journey

I’ve been wanting to write this post for months now. It’s been on the tip of my fingers, itching to come out. But I couldn’t. My losses have effected me deeply. It has caused me to believe that whenever the possibility of baby comes into our future, it will be taken away. It made it so that I couldn’t write this post, because if I wrote it and it didn’t happen, I’d be devastated all over again.

Today with shaking hands I put papers and a check into a manila envelope and sealed it. I handed it to a guy to weigh and stamp it knowing that in that envelope I was sending out all my hopes and dreams. He took it from me having no idea what this envelope represented and told me it would arrive tomorrow. Finally…this is happening.

We are adopting a baby. In that envelope were all the papers to apply for our home study. That envelope is the beginning of our family.

For months we’ve been working on this. We’ve been researching agencies, home studies, post-placement services, and everything in between. We have attended so many meetings trying to decide which way was the best to go for us. The biggest obstacle has been the finances. It is not cheap to adopt a child. J was having a very difficult time imagining paying almost $30,000 during the whole process, as much as he wants a child. He suggested holding a small fundraiser to help cover a portion of the expenses. At first I was resistant. I mean, we are able to do this on our own. But I decided I needed to set aside my pride and do this for J. I figured maybe we’d get a couple thousand dollars. To my absolute shock and dismay, after only 72 hours of the fundraiser going live, we have over $9,000 donated to help us start our family.

The generosity absolutely astounds me. I feel so grateful to have such amazing friends and family that are so excited for us to become parents. And it is going to happen…fast. We found an agency that has primarily African-American mothers, and not as many families wanting to adopt a full black baby. After our home study is complete in 2-3 months the wait for us to bring home our child is between 4 weeks to 4 months. Meaning by the end of the summer, we will be a family.

I feel SO at peace. For the first time since MB, I actually picture us having a child. My picture has changed as now that child has beautiful milk-chocolate skin and gorgeous dark eyes. But it feels so right.

This is the beginning for us. I know it isn’t going to be a walk in the park but we are finally able to feel excited about our future again. This is happening. Finally.



Filed under adoption, BABIES!, Family, If you're happy and you know it..., Trans-racial adoption

His Day

Today is MB’s due date. MB, my sweet boy.

I know realistically that he probably would not have been born today. If he was anything like either one of his parents he would have been stubborn as hell and refused to come out until I was begging him for mercy. Oh, how I wish I was begging him.

MB, today I want you to know how much I love you. There is not a single day that passes that I do not think of you. What you would have been like, how you would look, how much your family would have adored you. Some people won’t understand the connection I feel to you. But the moment I saw your little heartbeat you had me wrapped around your non-existent fingers. I also want you to know that as we bring children into our home, they will not be to replace you. No one could ever do that. In my mind you will always be my first child. They will be your brothers and sisters and I know they will always have their big brother looking out for them.

I’m trying not to be sad today. Yet even as I type this I can’t a few tears. Instead I want to treasure the happy moments we had with you. Because YOU were the best part of my year last year. Without a doubt. The few weeks I got to spend with you are weeks I will treasure the rest of my life.

All my love,




Filed under Depression, Healing, Miscarriage, Moving On