I’ve been wanting to write this post for months now. It’s been on the tip of my fingers, itching to come out. But I couldn’t. My losses have effected me deeply. It has caused me to believe that whenever the possibility of baby comes into our future, it will be taken away. It made it so that I couldn’t write this post, because if I wrote it and it didn’t happen, I’d be devastated all over again.
Today with shaking hands I put papers and a check into a manila envelope and sealed it. I handed it to a guy to weigh and stamp it knowing that in that envelope I was sending out all my hopes and dreams. He took it from me having no idea what this envelope represented and told me it would arrive tomorrow. Finally…this is happening.
We are adopting a baby. In that envelope were all the papers to apply for our home study. That envelope is the beginning of our family.
For months we’ve been working on this. We’ve been researching agencies, home studies, post-placement services, and everything in between. We have attended so many meetings trying to decide which way was the best to go for us. The biggest obstacle has been the finances. It is not cheap to adopt a child. J was having a very difficult time imagining paying almost $30,000 during the whole process, as much as he wants a child. He suggested holding a small fundraiser to help cover a portion of the expenses. At first I was resistant. I mean, we are able to do this on our own. But I decided I needed to set aside my pride and do this for J. I figured maybe we’d get a couple thousand dollars. To my absolute shock and dismay, after only 72 hours of the fundraiser going live, we have over $9,000 donated to help us start our family.
The generosity absolutely astounds me. I feel so grateful to have such amazing friends and family that are so excited for us to become parents. And it is going to happen…fast. We found an agency that has primarily African-American mothers, and not as many families wanting to adopt a full black baby. After our home study is complete in 2-3 months the wait for us to bring home our child is between 4 weeks to 4 months. Meaning by the end of the summer, we will be a family.
I feel SO at peace. For the first time since MB, I actually picture us having a child. My picture has changed as now that child has beautiful milk-chocolate skin and gorgeous dark eyes. But it feels so right.
This is the beginning for us. I know it isn’t going to be a walk in the park but we are finally able to feel excited about our future again. This is happening. Finally.