Phase 1 complete

Well phase 1 of our home study interviews are over. Last week both J and I had our individual interviews with our social worker. It definitely wasn’t exactly the most fun 2 hours of my life but it probably could have been worse. She asked about everything under the sun starting from my child hood up until our history with infertility. That was probably the worst part for me, as I started crying when I talked about my pregnancy with MB. I’m afraid she is going to perceive that as me not being over it, even though I am. It still is just painful to remember all those emotions and all the pain we went through when we lost him.

However I’m assuming that most people who pursue adoption have tried to have children naturally so I am probably not the only one to break down when talking about that particular subject. The did indeed ask about our issues with our sex life, although it was not as bad as I thought it would be. We had both just put down on our paperwork that it has been a slight issue in our marriage, mostly because my sex drive is pretty much non-existent these days. She gave us some advice as we moved on.

There were definitely some assumptions made that were kind of annoying as she has only read our profile and talked to us for a few hours, but I know she is just digging to make sure we are stable. Our next step is our couple interview / home inspection which will be in 2 weeks. Kinda annoyed that we couldn’t do it sooner but she is working with 11 couples at the moment so her schedule sucks. J is feeling very encouraged at this point. She told him that in the 9 years she has been doing this she has only turned down 1 couple. So odds are good everything will go smoothly for us. Of course if we end up being the 2nd couple she turns down I’m going to feel incredibly screwed up. Trying not to dwell on that. Thinking happy thoughts…thinking happy thoughts…

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11 Comments

Filed under adoption, Home Study, marriage

11 responses to “Phase 1 complete

  1. I’m sure no one can expect you to be “over” the loss of MB. You will never be “over” it, all that is expected is that you have coping mechanisms in place to deal with a devastating loss.

  2. This is exciting Trisha! I can only imagine the home sturdy… ughh, no fun! But it sounds like it went well. Super hopeful your next steps are easy and painless!

  3. I would venture to guess that she wouldn’t have told you her turn down rate if she was planing to turn you down.
    Sounds like it went well to me!

  4. I’m glad things are moving along for you. It sounds like it’s going well. I’ve written a few home studies for domestic infant adoptions, and I don’t think anyone would expect you to be “over” that kind of loss. The most important thing to social workers is usually that adoption isn’t viewed as second best (although it’s often the second plan, that doesn’t mean it’s second best). You should be able to read a draft of your home study & talk about anything you disagree with. Good luck!!!

  5. Congratulations on surviving phase I!!! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if everyone who wanted to raise a child (whether planned or not) had to go through this process, the human species would be screwed. Mainly because this process is not an easy one. So I commend both you and J for putting yourselves out there and being so open. I also agree with Lex’s assessment that she wouldn’t be telling you about her turn down rate if she was planning on turning you guys down.

    Hang in there. And know that I’m hoping for a speedy 2 weeks.

  6. What great news! I am CERTAIN you are not the first woman to break down in front of her when asked about your IF/RPL. I hardly doubt it hurt your chances. I’m really hopeful that the next phase goes by quickly and you have your little one(s) in your arms very very soon!! xoxo

  7. It’s so exciting to be moving forward! Yay for one more step completed.

  8. Woo hoo keep us posted!!

  9. Whoa phase 1 done and over…. Check!!!! I should imagine that she would be empathetic to you not being over MB. That is just me, but I would think it was weird had you not. Good luck on the home interview. I’m sure you are going I pass with flying colors. This is moving so fast and I’m so excited that this happening for you both!!!!

  10. Congratulations on finishing the first step! I’m sure the two of you did wonderfully.

  11. Speaking as a social worker, I am absolutely certain that you guys will be approved and officially ready to welcome your baby very soon! Congrats on completing this big step and being that much closer! Can’t wait to hear more:)

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