Monthly Archives: July 2013

2nd Trimester

Back when we started our adoption process I was discussing with a friend how I didn’t feel ready to buy any baby related items yet. She asked why since we were working on our home study which would eventually lead to a baby. I had to tell her that even though theoretically yes, that is how it worked out, that it was too soon to shop. Because in my mind I was in the first trimester.

I figured the whole thing out. Your home study / adoption application is the first trimester. You are on the path to a take home baby, yet is still very early in the process so you don’t really want to get too emotionally attached to the thought, just in case.

The second trimester is the matching process. You’ve passed the test and been declared sane enough to be a parent! Congratulations! This is the time when you can loosely start making plans. Some basic purchases are made but your house has not yet become a total baby zone. You now start feeling more comfortable with the fact that there will most likely be a baby coming into your home soon.

The third trimester – matched. You have been selected by a birth mom and now know that you will shortly be a parent. You know the gender (usually) and when the baby is due. You frantically make sure you have everything you could possibly need for the new little life that is on its way. You decorate the nursery, pick out names, and anxiously await for your child to be born.

Well my friends, for the first time in my life I am in the 2nd trimester. We have been approved by both states we are working with, as well as the adoption agency and are officially in the matching process. Honestly I’m a little confused as to how this goes. Everyone says “you’ll just know” when it is the right situation. But what if I don’t know? What if I pass up on an opportunity because I didn’t have ‘that feeling’. Or vice versa, what if I jump the gun and in my haste get involved in a situation that was not “the one”. How do you know by a two-line sentence (i.e. african-american male, due late September, Birth mom has used…blah blah blah) that the child is your baby? Yes we can get more information if we decide to show her our profile, but still…that is a big decision.

I know I should be excited, and I am, I’m also just overwhelmed by how this happens. Of course I also have the fear of what if we never get picked. Tomorrow I will be calling our case manager and hopefully she will be able to clear up some of this for me. To celebrate I picked up a brand new pack-n-play and a baby k’tan wrap from a local garage sale. I got an amazing deal on both, I actually kinda hurried away after buying the sling because I was afraid for the guy who sold it to me, when his wife finds out what he sold it for I’m sure she won’t be happy. But I sure am!

So adoptive parents. Tell me…how did you know?




Filed under adoption, BABIES!, Celebration, Trans-racial adoption

It is known

Back in December when we discovered that my last pregnancy was ectopic there were a few thoughts that came into my mind. Most of them where along the lines of “Why me?!?!?” but one particular though was “Shit, this means I’m going to have to do the HSG test again.” Sure enough, it was something my doctor recommend a week later. Then everything blew up, I landed in emergency surgery again, and it was discovered that the reason for my ectopic was clear, my tube had formed adhesions which had caused it to become stuck to my abdominal cavity in a looped shape. My surgeon again told me I needed to have the HSG test done. She tried her best to un-adhere the tube and get it in a normal shape but because of the delicate nature of fallopian tubes she had to be very careful, therefore she didn’t know if she was completely successful or not.

But I knew I was done. I knew as soon as I saw the positive pregnancy test for the 4th time that if it didn’t turn into a take-home baby, I was finished. I was broken at that point. I couldn’t even be excited about my BFP, I was so emotionally detached from the whole thing in order to protect myself. Then of course it was found to be ectopic and I was even more sure that I was done.

Right after my surgery we immediately began pursuing adoption. We poured ourselves into pamphlets, websites, and paperwork. So why bother with the test? Who cares if my tube was looped or damaged? I had no intention on using it again so why go through it all over?

The recommended that I have it done in March. But March came and went and I didn’t do it. By this point though, it was starting to creep into my mind. The “what if” of it all. I was firm in my decision to adopt but I felt like I couldn’t fully let go of the past until I knew for sure if it would ever be possible for us to naturally conceive again.

There were 3 results the test could give us:

  1. The tube was still looped inside my body making any naturally pregnancy that would occur an ectopic pregnancy.
  2. The tube was no longer looped, but the strain from the surgery and the ectopic pregnancy caused it permanent damage making it not viable.
  3. It was fine. Normal shaped, healthy and ready to go.

I can say that my instincts were screaming at me that the answer would be number 1. I felt positive that because of the surgeons less than confident attitude towards it made me feel that she was unable to un-loop the tube. I felt SO sure about this that I started discussing with my OB a more permanent form of birth control. Mainly an IUD. I told her that I can sometimes get careless with my BC and that if more ectopic pregnancies were in my future I had no plan of ever getting pregnant again. (To be truthful in my mind there will be no pregnancy regardless of the outcome but more on that later.) Her answer was simply “We need to do the HSG test”.

I needed to close the book on this chapter of my life. I have whole-heartedly accepted that my family will be formed through adoption. I feel no resentment over this, only excitement. But I still needed to know.

So I finally set the appointment. I went in feeling sick to my stomach. My first go at the HSG was not a pleasant experience. However this time, it wasn’t as bad. That may be due to the fact that I gratuitously took pain-killers that were left over from my surgery, but I digress. Unlike the first time though, the doctor did not give me the results straight away. He told me he had to take the films and magnify them, to really get an idea of what was going on. I had a good idea what was going on, but I thanked him and left.

Tonight I got a call from my OB with the results. My tube…is perfect. It is not looped, it is not damage, and I am in shock. I am still at a higher risk for and ectopic than most as I have already had one, but still…if I wanted to I could try again.

Right now, we don’t want to. Our adoption process is moving along beautifully and we have no desire to change our course. But guys, we have options now. Coming out of this, I did not expect to have any. Its odd getting good news for once.



Filed under adoption, Celebration, Ectopic, Healing, Moving On