2nd Trimester

Back when we started our adoption process I was discussing with a friend how I didn’t feel ready to buy any baby related items yet. She asked why since we were working on our home study which would eventually lead to a baby. I had to tell her that even though theoretically yes, that is how it worked out, that it was too soon to shop. Because in my mind I was in the first trimester.

I figured the whole thing out. Your home study / adoption application is the first trimester. You are on the path to a take home baby, yet is still very early in the process so you don’t really want to get too emotionally attached to the thought, just in case.

The second trimester is the matching process. You’ve passed the test and been declared sane enough to be a parent! Congratulations! This is the time when you can loosely start making plans. Some basic purchases are made but your house has not yet become a total baby zone. You now start feeling more comfortable with the fact that there will most likely be a baby coming into your home soon.

The third trimester – matched. You have been selected by a birth mom and now know that you will shortly be a parent. You know the gender (usually) and when the baby is due. You frantically make sure you have everything you could possibly need for the new little life that is on its way. You decorate the nursery, pick out names, and anxiously await for your child to be born.

Well my friends, for the first time in my life I am in the 2nd trimester. We have been approved by both states we are working with, as well as the adoption agency and are officially in the matching process. Honestly I’m a little confused as to how this goes. Everyone says “you’ll just know” when it is the right situation. But what if I don’t know? What if I pass up on an opportunity because I didn’t have ‘that feeling’. Or vice versa, what if I jump the gun and in my haste get involved in a situation that was not “the one”. How do you know by a two-line sentence (i.e. african-american male, due late September, Birth mom has used…blah blah blah) that the child is your baby? Yes we can get more information if we decide to show her our profile, but still…that is a big decision.

I know I should be excited, and I am, I’m also just overwhelmed by how this happens. Of course I also have the fear of what if we never get picked. Tomorrow I will be calling our case manager and hopefully she will be able to clear up some of this for me. To celebrate I picked up a brand new pack-n-play and a baby k’tan wrap from a local garage sale. I got an amazing deal on both, I actually kinda hurried away after buying the sling because I was afraid for the guy who sold it to me, when his wife finds out what he sold it for I’m sure she won’t be happy. But I sure am!

So adoptive parents. Tell me…how did you know?

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8 Comments

Filed under adoption, BABIES!, Celebration, Trans-racial adoption

8 responses to “2nd Trimester

  1. What a great way to describe it…thinking the best for you!

  2. I don’t think that anyone ever truly knows what situation to move forward with or not. I look for some kind of “connection”. With MsJ, she liked reading and cooking (things that we also like). In retrospect, we got really lucky with Cadet and MsJ. For some reason, certain situations just “sing” and others don’t.

    As for buying things, now is a great time to start looking for deals on diapers, wipes, and other baby essentials. If you have room to store them, buy what you can at sale prices. You can also sign up for coupons for formula via the formula websites (Similac was what we used). You can also start a baby registry on Amazon (you can keep it private) to gather the list of things you know you want to buy…and then look for those things at garage sales and stuff.

    And I would start making sure that you have a quick checklist written down in case you get a call. If your traveling, what do you need? Want? Who do you need to call?

    Oh, lastly, see if your area has a online “Mom’s Swap” or “Mom’s Group” (mine is on facebook). It’s a great way to get gently used items from other moms. Those forums are also a wonderful way to get feedback on the usefulness of X or Y. And, look into local Mom’s groups. You don’t have to join now, but it’s good to know where you can go (parks, restaurants, trails) to meet other local moms.

    This is an exiting time! Enjoy it!!

  3. No real advice. Just know that God knows and “your” baby will make his or her way into your arms. I know a blogger who turned down a profile only to have the profile mistakenly shown. They were selected and now have a beautiful daughter. All the best on your second trimester!

  4. I don’t have any adoption advice but wanted to offer my support and cheers at reaching your “second trimester” and at making a few first purchases! I like to believe that at some point in either gestation or adoption we do just know. I found that point late in my pregnancy, and I believe that you will find it too. Somethings we just have to have faith in and I have absolute faith that when your baby crosses your path there will be no doubt in your mind. xoxo

  5. Congrats on making it to the “second trimester”! I love this analogy!

  6. Second trimester! Woo hoo! I love the analogy! Congrats on getting this far! Hoping that everything becomes clear for you going forward and that you are closer than ever to bringing your baby home!

  7. If you ever figure out the magical answer to the question “How do you know?” let me know, okay? Because I wonder and worry about this too! Your analogy is great and I’m going to try to keep it in mind if/when we start the adoption process 😉

  8. I’m so happy to see this post! Regarding “knowing” about a match, I think Rain’s insights are spot on. Sometimes it’s something unexpected that leads to a connection, other times it’s just a feeling. The point is to go with what feels right (and to give yourself a break if the connection isn’t an instant one).

    I was also going to bring up the online groups. Grey and I just joined one for people pregnant/parenting multiples, so I would be very surprised if there isn’t one for people who are in the adoption process/parenting after adoption. Also there are the general groups, which will be useful for general contacts and even acquiring gently used items.

    Finally, hang in there lady. I know there’s a lot of fear and anxiety around this whole process. Waiting to be matched is incredibly difficult and trying. But I really do believe that it’s not a matter of “if” but “when.” You and J are too awesome as individuals to not have this happen. So, take it one day at a time. And in the meantime if you find another killer deal on a K’tan, let me know. 😉

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