Since Muppet was born I’ve had a lot easier time dealing with other people’s pregnancies. Although it no longer sent me into a spiraling pool of depression when someone announced they were expecting, there was still a small knot that formed in my stomach that was filled with jealousy. I still have a really hard time with things like ultrasound photos on FB, mostly because that is something I’ll never get. I’ve never seen an ultrasound picture of Muppet and I doubt I will see one of Baby Boy.
But something has changed for me since we found out we were going to be getting Baby Boy in a few months. Since then I’ve found out about 2 pregnancies, one a relative and one a friend. These are both people who have never gone through infertility and conceived pretty much right after they started trying. In the past this has felt so unfair to me and would take days if not weeks to get over. But do you know what I felt this time? Nothing.
Seriously. No knot, no jealousy, no pain. I felt happy for them and their growing families (both are expecting their second child). It as if the news of our second child’s arrival has eased that burden from me. We’ve already decided that we are only have two children so no there is no question on how our second child will come to us. That knowledge has set me free. For the first time in years I feel like infertility isn’t controlling my life. I sincerely hope it lasts because it feels amazing.