Otis turned 2 weeks old today. 2 weeks have passed since this little human came into our lives and I already feel as if he has always been here. The stories I have to tell about his birth are broken into 3 parts. Here is the first.
Considering how we found out about Otis, we should have known how completely different this process would be from Muppet’s adoption. Looking back I think that both parties (us and birth mom) went into Muppet’s adoption naively. None of us were prepared for how heavy the emotional aspect would be. This time, we were all hyper aware of it.
Once our home study and adoption paper work went through, I just assumed that the rest of the process would follow pretty much the same course as last time. But I couldn’t have been more wrong. We arrived in the state where our son would be born 6 days before the induction. I wanted to be there early just in case she went into labor early. It was so important to me that we be present for the birth, I needed to be there for him. We had plans to take A out to dinner the night before the induction. We had also already discussed the birth plan with her, and she said she wanted us in the room just like last time. A few days after we arrived everything changed.
All of the sudden contact became strained. A has always been pretty reliant on us and throughout the pregnancy she had been keeping us up to date. I knew she had a doctor’s appointment, but I never heard how it went. When I asked my case worker, she didn’t know either. Suddenly she had become silent. The next day another bomb dropped when she cancelled our dinner. Her reasoning was that she had needed the dinner before Muppet’s adoption because she didn’t know us then. But this time she knew us and was comfortable with us so she didn’t feel like we needed to go to dinner. I started feeling uneasy but was told that this wasn’t a red flag by the agency.
A few days later we were told that she no longer wanted us in the room for the birth and I felt my heart sink. All of this seemed so out of character for her. I sent her a few emails just asking how she was but got little to no response back. 2 days before the birth she requested a phone date. We set up a time and I waited and waited, but the call never came. I finally got a call from my case worker explaining that she had changed her mind and didn’t want to talk to us. It was in that moment I realized how serious this all had become. I sobbed on the phone with my case manager, not just out of fear but also for the pain that A was obviously going through. I wanted her to know that we cared about her, not just the baby. They promised to pass along our words but I was filled with dread. That night J and I sat out on the porch and had a conversation that every adoptive couple tries to avoid having: how we would handle the situation if A changed her mind about the adoption.
That night was an awful night. With Muppet, everything happened so fast that we really didn’t have any reason to have that talk. We just assumed that it would all work out. But because we knew how different she was acting this time we knew we had a reason to be fearful. I didn’t sleep much that night, instead different scenarios ran around in my mind. Luckily A must have known how we were feeling. I woke up the next day to an email from her that eased all our fears. She explained why she had been pushing us aside and it wasn’t because she was questioning her decision, in fact she assured us that she was 100% certain about the placement, she just needed to handle things differently from last time in order to protect herself.
I breathed a huge sigh of relief knowing that the following day our son would be born and placed into our arms.
Birth story to follow soon!
I know some people have been asking for an update so I just wanted to stop in really quick and let you all know that our baby boy is here, happy and healthy! He was born June 15th at 12:18 pm weighing a tiny 5 lbs 4 oz and 17 3/4 inches long. His birth mom signed the papers terminating her parental rights 24 hours later and we are officially his guardians until his adoption is finalized in 6 months. I have SO many stories to tell about this whole process, it was so different from last time so hopefully I’ll be able to get some longer posts up soon. On this blog I have decided to refer to him as Otis. If you want to know his real name this is a major hint as there is a pretty famous duo where one of them has the name Otis. The other name in the duo is our sons name. Thank you everyone for the well wishes, I promise to give a better update soon!
Time is precious. The closer we get to the birth of Baby Boy, the more I realize how fleeting moments with Muppet are. I’m feeling an odd sort of nostalgia, or maybe it is guilt. I can’t quite tell. I think it is because we fly out next week, so this week is essentially the last time it is just her and me. We’ve become a bit of a Girl’s Club and I’m finding it very hard to let that go. Of course I’m so excited to meet our boy, but I’m very aware that the times are changing and I’m never going to get this time back with Muppet again.
I think a large part of it is due to the fact that as of this moment, Baby Boy is mythical. I’ve heard he is coming, I’ve prepared for it, but I find it a little hard to believe. Whereas my daughter is living and breathing right before my very eyes and I hate the though of losing the bond I have with her even a little bit. I know once he is here, most of these thoughts will likely disappear and that I will be so thrilled to add a new member to our little club. So for now I’m just trying to soak up these last few days with Muppet. My incredible little girl whom I treasure above all else.
Our home study was finalized last week and we are pretty much set to go. Muppet and I will fly out 6 days before the induction date and J will drive up a few days later. He just has to wrap a few things up at work. So we are crossing our fingers and toes that A does not go into labor before he arrives. Hopefully she makes it to the induction date, as that gives a little more time to prepare and process everything that is about to happen. I think of her every single day and wonder how she is managing. I know she is struggling a lot, I don’t know how you couldn’t be struggling in this situation, but she says she is 100% sure about placement so I’m trying not to worry. Not that that is really possible, even though I trust her, I’m still so scared she is going to change her mind.
But she is stronger that I know I would be in this situation. She has already proven to us how strong she is and how much she cares about her children. We couldn’t ask for a better birth mom. As of right now she is set on meeting Muppet the night before the induction, which totally freaks me out but of course it is something I will honor. I’m just hoping she realizes that Muppet isn’t even 2 yet, so she doesn’t do well with people she doesn’t know. I don’t want her to become upset if Muppet won’t let her hold her, it won’t be anything personal, she is just a toddler. She is too young to understand who A is and I hope A will be able to accept that.
I’m not sure if anyone noticed (probably not) but I took down all pictures that showed Muppet’s face. I all of a sudden became very aware of how public I was making myself and it freaked me out. I’d be shocked it at least a few people who know me in real life haven’t found this blog, but still. This is my safe place and I need it to stay that way. Therefore I will be making a few blog posts that are password protected. These might contain pictures of the kids, or they might just be things that are really personal and that I don’t want floating around for anyone to find. I have NO problem giving the password out, especially if you’ve been following me a long time. If you see a password protected post and would like access, shoot me an e-mail (go to the ‘about me’ section at the top and there is a contact form) and I’ll respond as soon as possible. I know a lot of you will likely want to see pictures of Baby Boy once he is here so I’ll put those up under a password. But worry not, my normal every day rantings will remain wide open for all to judge. I anticipate very few protected posts, but I did want to make people aware.