Time is precious. The closer we get to the birth of Baby Boy, the more I realize how fleeting moments with Muppet are. I’m feeling an odd sort of nostalgia, or maybe it is guilt. I can’t quite tell. I think it is because we fly out next week, so this week is essentially the last time it is just her and me. We’ve become a bit of a Girl’s Club and I’m finding it very hard to let that go. Of course I’m so excited to meet our boy, but I’m very aware that the times are changing and I’m never going to get this time back with Muppet again.
I think a large part of it is due to the fact that as of this moment, Baby Boy is mythical. I’ve heard he is coming, I’ve prepared for it, but I find it a little hard to believe. Whereas my daughter is living and breathing right before my very eyes and I hate the though of losing the bond I have with her even a little bit. I know once he is here, most of these thoughts will likely disappear and that I will be so thrilled to add a new member to our little club. So for now I’m just trying to soak up these last few days with Muppet. My incredible little girl whom I treasure above all else.
Our home study was finalized last week and we are pretty much set to go. Muppet and I will fly out 6 days before the induction date and J will drive up a few days later. He just has to wrap a few things up at work. So we are crossing our fingers and toes that A does not go into labor before he arrives. Hopefully she makes it to the induction date, as that gives a little more time to prepare and process everything that is about to happen. I think of her every single day and wonder how she is managing. I know she is struggling a lot, I don’t know how you couldn’t be struggling in this situation, but she says she is 100% sure about placement so I’m trying not to worry. Not that that is really possible, even though I trust her, I’m still so scared she is going to change her mind.
But she is stronger that I know I would be in this situation. She has already proven to us how strong she is and how much she cares about her children. We couldn’t ask for a better birth mom. As of right now she is set on meeting Muppet the night before the induction, which totally freaks me out but of course it is something I will honor. I’m just hoping she realizes that Muppet isn’t even 2 yet, so she doesn’t do well with people she doesn’t know. I don’t want her to become upset if Muppet won’t let her hold her, it won’t be anything personal, she is just a toddler. She is too young to understand who A is and I hope A will be able to accept that.
I’m not sure if anyone noticed (probably not) but I took down all pictures that showed Muppet’s face. I all of a sudden became very aware of how public I was making myself and it freaked me out. I’d be shocked it at least a few people who know me in real life haven’t found this blog, but still. This is my safe place and I need it to stay that way. Therefore I will be making a few blog posts that are password protected. These might contain pictures of the kids, or they might just be things that are really personal and that I don’t want floating around for anyone to find. I have NO problem giving the password out, especially if you’ve been following me a long time. If you see a password protected post and would like access, shoot me an e-mail (go to the ‘about me’ section at the top and there is a contact form) and I’ll respond as soon as possible. I know a lot of you will likely want to see pictures of Baby Boy once he is here so I’ll put those up under a password. But worry not, my normal every day rantings will remain wide open for all to judge. I anticipate very few protected posts, but I did want to make people aware.