Category Archives: Baby Girl

Post Birth

I really can’t believe how long it has taken me to write-up this whole story. I truly didn’t anticipate how adding a second child to our family would turn our lives into a whirlwind. Otis will be 8 weeks old in two days! Time for Mama to stop slacking.


Things were quite different with this adoption, as I had mentioned. It was at the same hospital, the same agency, even the same birth mom, yet everything had changed. When we adopted Muppet the hospital was extremely accommodating to adoptive parents. I received a wrist band to the nursery and we were given our own room so that we could stay in the hospital with our daughter and have her with us at all times. But due to an unusual circumstance involving adoptive parents about a year ago, the hospital now does not allow any of this. Meaning we were only allowed in the nursery (and hospital) during visiting hours (7am – 8pm) and we weren’t even allowed to wheel Otis from the nursery to A’s room without an escort. We were constantly watched when with the baby. Even in the nursery, they gave us a room to hang out in for “privacy” but it had a big window right in sight of the nurses station and they constantly checked on us.

We were a bit shocked by all this. The agency didn’t tell us any of this before hand, so we came prepared for an overnight stay. Once they told us all this I couldn’t help but feel upset. I was expected to leave my brand new baby, who technically wasn’t even mine yet, in the nursery all night. In my head I knew there was no safer place for him, surrounded by nurses, but it still hurt. A was pretty understanding about all of it. She let us stay with the baby in her room till about 10:30 that first night and would have let us stay longer, but we finally decided it was best to go home and let everyone rest up for the next day. I had a hard time sleeping that night, wishing I could hold my baby. We set our alarms for early and got to the hospital right as visiting hours started.  We hung out in the nursery till A called us around 8:30 and invited us back into her room. The whole thing was a bit awkward. We just kinda sat around watching TV and holding the baby. A seemed to put up a huge wall regarding Otis. To this day she has never even held him.

Finally it was time for the signing. I’d like to say I wasn’t nervous this time around, but I think it is impossible not to be in that situation. But it went as smoothly as that kind of thing could go. It was over pretty quickly and A’s parental rights were terminated. We weren’t sure if she would want to see us afterwards but we were immediately invited back in. She was in a bit of pain since she was not allowed to take any pain killers for 6 hours prior to the signing. We gave her a small gift, a necklace with an infinity charm and both kids birth stones. This was the first moment that I saw emotion out of her and she broke down crying. We decided to give her some space and took the baby to the nursery and the private room. Another thing that was frustrating about the hospital’s new policies, our families were not allowed to come visit. Even though the papers were signed since we were not patients we could not have visitors and they would not allow us to take the baby home until A was discharged.

After a few hours in our nursery solitude my parents brought Muppet and took us out for a quick dinner. They were disappointed they couldn’t come in, as was I since I had a whole vision of Muppet meeting her brother in my mind, but were in good spirits. It was so good to see my girl. I hugged her tight and told her all about her new brother. She proudly wore her “Big Sister” shirt and looked at all the pictures I had of him on my phone. While we were at dinner we received some awful news, A had developed some kind of infection and developed a fever, meaning she would not be discharged the following day as planned. We would not get to bring the baby home. I blame the emotional rollercoaster of adoption for how I reacted but I completely broke down. As horrible as I felt for A I wanted to bring my baby home. He needed to be with his family not in a nursery, and I also needed to be with my daughter whom I was missing terribly. I felt so torn between my two babies. But they were adamant that they would not release Otis till A was released. That was a hard night. We made a decision on how we would handle the rest of the hospital stay by breaking up shifts with each of the kids. I would go to the hospital in the morning while J stayed with Muppet, then I’d come home for lunch and we’d switch. I left the hospital when visiting hours were over feeling so deflated.

I again rose early and got right to the hospital to be with my baby. I had the nurses let A know I was there in case she wanted to see me but decided to give her as much privacy as I could so she could hopefully heal. After a few hours she requested to see me – just me. She didn’t want to see the baby. I was determined to be optimistic when I saw her, after all she was in pain and none of this was her fault. I told her our plan for splitting up time at the hospital and with the kids. I wanted to make sure she knew we were not neglecting Muppet during all this craziness. She was very understanding and told me something that gave me a lot of hope, that she was possibly going to request that we take the baby home before she was released. I didn’t push her, but tried to let her know how much we would appreciate that. I stayed with her about 45 min. before heading back to be with Otis.

By lunch time I still hadn’t heard anything so I was preparing to go home and switch shifts with J. As I was starting to get ready my case worker called me, A had indeed requested that we take the baby home. I was overjoyed but quickly found that it wasn’t that simple. This was literally never done. Everyone was baffled when they found out we would be taking Otis home before A was released. What followed was a long few hours and getting approvals between the hospital , adoption agency, and the doctors. But at last…it was time. I packed my bitty boy into his car seat and went to bid A farewell. She was surprisingly calm during everything. I thanked her profusely and made sure she knew we weren’t abandoning her and that we could come back to visit if she wished. We hugged and I was finally able to bring my boy home.

It wasn’t exactly what I planned…I got home and there was no one else there. My mom, J and Muppet were out getting diapers. My dad was still at work. So Otis and I arrived to an empty house. But soon we heard the garage door open and I knew it was time to introduce Muppet to her new brother. It was a sweet moment, even if it wasn’t how I wanted it to be. She immediately wanted to hold him and kept calling him “Baby Brother”. Seeing my two babies together was so incredible. I found it hard to believe that all of this was real.

Settling with a newborn is challenging, doing it with a 2-year-old is even more difficult. Not to mention we were still dealing with A being in the hospital and making sure we were still communicating with her. The day after we went home she asked if we could bring her dinner – and bring the kids with us. This was so scary for us. It would be the first time A had seen Muppet since we left the hospital almost 2 years ago. We had no idea how this was going to go. But we agreed and headed out.

Walking down the hall to her room I felt sick. I was just so incredibly nervous. I went in first to make sure she was ready and then J came in with Muppet and Otis. A immediately lit up upon seeing Muppet. She was clearly enchanted by her. Muppet was very hesitant to enter the room. At 21 months there was no way to prepare her for this, she is too young to understand. But gradually we got her to warm up by giving her snacks and playing games. She paraded around the room singing songs and showing off her baby sign language. She wouldn’t go to A, which I was worried would upset her, but A seemed to understand. She told me she was glad that she was hesitant around strangers and so connected to us. I was also worried about Muppet openly calling me “Mommy” but again A took it in stride. She told us over and over how amazed she was by Muppet. She said she was so smart and that she never could have given Muppet what we were obviously giving her. We stayed for about an hour and it was probably my favorite part of this whole adoption. It was like a huge weight had been lifted off our shoulders. Seeing how happy it made A to see Muppet reassured us that our relationship with her would remain positive. As we left we all gave A a big hug, I held Muppet and brought her to A so she could kiss her head. We left knowing it would be a very long time before we saw each other again.

I spoke to A a few days later and she told me how much it meant to her to see all of us together. She said she had also been concerned about how seeing Muppet again would make her feel, but it actually made her feel better about her decisions. She said she knew she had done the right thing for both Muppet and Otis and that our family was beautiful. A is beautiful. She is a wonderful person who has ended up in some crappy situations. But she is a wonderful mother who knows when she isn’t enough for her children. That takes more strength than most people have.

We are a family of 4 now. It has been an incredibly crazy journey, but little Otis has competed us. We feel so grateful to have him in our lives as well as Muppet. We are truly blessed.


I know I said I’d post pictures but right now I just don’t feel like it is something I should do. However I am a crazy Instagrammer. So if you would like to see pictures of Otis and Muppet feel free to follow me @a.trisha. It is a private account so I just request that you send me a direct message saying you follow my blog so I can approve you. Thank you all so much for all the support you’ve given me over the years. I love this community and feel so grateful to have been apart of it.




Filed under adoption, BABIES!, Baby Boy, Baby Girl, Birth Mom, Family, Motherhood, Trans-racial adoption

The last week

Time is precious. The closer we get to the birth of Baby Boy, the more I realize how fleeting moments with Muppet are. I’m feeling an odd sort of nostalgia, or maybe it is guilt. I can’t quite tell. I think it is because we fly out next week, so this week is essentially the last time it is just her and me. We’ve become a bit of a Girl’s Club and I’m finding it very hard to let that go. Of course I’m so excited to meet our boy, but I’m very aware that the times  are changing and I’m never going to get this time back with Muppet again.

I think a large part of it is due to the fact that as of this moment, Baby Boy is mythical. I’ve heard he is coming, I’ve prepared for it, but I find it a little hard to believe. Whereas my daughter is living and breathing right before my very eyes and I hate the though of losing the bond I have with her even a little bit. I know once he is here, most of these thoughts will likely disappear and that I will be so thrilled to add a new member to our little club. So for now I’m just trying to soak up these last few days with Muppet. My incredible little girl whom I treasure above all else.


Our home study was finalized last week and we are pretty much set to go. Muppet and I will fly out 6 days before the induction date and J will drive up a few days later. He just has to wrap a few things up at work. So we are crossing our fingers and toes that A does not go into labor before he arrives. Hopefully she makes it to the induction date, as that gives a little more time to prepare and process everything that is about to happen. I think of her every single day and wonder how she is managing. I know she is struggling a lot, I don’t know how you couldn’t be struggling in this situation, but she says she is 100% sure about placement so I’m trying not to worry. Not that that is really possible, even though I trust her, I’m still so scared she is going to change her mind.

But she is stronger that I know I would be in this situation. She has already proven to us how strong she is and how much she cares about her children. We couldn’t ask for a better birth mom. As of right now she is set on meeting Muppet the night before the induction, which totally freaks me out but of course it is something I will honor. I’m just hoping she realizes that Muppet isn’t even 2 yet, so she doesn’t do well with people she doesn’t know. I don’t want her to become upset if Muppet won’t let her hold her, it won’t be anything personal, she is just a toddler. She is too young to understand who A is and I hope A will be able to accept that.


I’m not sure if anyone noticed (probably not) but I took down all pictures that showed Muppet’s face. I all of a sudden became very aware of how public I was making myself and it freaked me out. I’d be shocked it at least a few people who know me in real life haven’t found this blog, but still. This is my safe place and I need it to stay that way. Therefore I will be making a few blog posts that are password protected. These might contain pictures of the kids, or they might just be things that are really personal and that I don’t want floating around for anyone to find. I have NO problem giving the password out, especially if you’ve been following me a long time. If you see a password protected post and would like access, shoot me an e-mail (go to the ‘about me’ section at the top and there is a contact form) and I’ll respond as soon as possible. I know a lot of you will likely want to see pictures of Baby Boy once he is here so I’ll put those up under a password. But worry not, my normal every day rantings will remain wide open for all to judge. I anticipate very few protected posts, but I did want to make people aware.




Filed under adoption, BABIES!, Baby Boy, Baby Girl, Birth Mom, Family, Stay At Home Mom, Trans-racial adoption

March Madness

On Tuesday we turned in our home study paper work. FINALLY. We start our social worker visits next week and I couldn’t be more excited to get this home study done and behind us. We have been receiving regular updates from our birth mom and the adoption agency and everything with Baby Boy is good. It is coming down to about 9 weeks until he is here which is both incredibly exciting and absolutely terrifying.

As I was editing our Adoption Time line page (on the menu above) I started glancing at the whole time line to check out certain dates and check this out guys:

March 4th, 2013 – Turn in adoption paperwork for Muppet

March 4th, 2014 – Muppet’s adoption finalized

March 3rd, 2015 – We find out about Baby Boy.

Crazy right?!?! I also should mention that March 2nd 2013 was supposed to be my due date for my second pregnancy, but that isn’t a good thing to remember. So yeah.

But other than that it seems crazy to me that all these big events in our adoption history have happened almost exactly a year apart from each other. By next March our son’s adoption will have already been finalized and our family will be complete. I’m a big fan of simple things like this.


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Filed under adoption, Baby Boy, Baby Girl, Birth Mom, Home Study, Motherhood, Trans-racial adoption

Growing Up

Most days I’m so sad about how fast Muppet is growing up. Every time I have to clean out her dressers to clear out the clothes that no longer fit her I die a little inside. I miss her tiny little body cuddled up against mine and how she used to stretch and wiggle because that was the only way she could move. But then there are days that my heart just bursts with pride on how smart she is becoming. Today was one of those days.

She constantly amazes me with how much she understands. As we were driving home from some errands I glanced in the review mirror to check on her and I saw her singing ‘Itsy-Bitsy Spider’ to herself. It was all jumbled words and the only way I could tell it was that song was watching her do all the actions to herself in her mirror (she is rear facing and has a mirror on back of the headrest so we can see her). My heart just about melted at the sight. She knew exactly what she was singing even if she didn’t know the words.

She is also starting to do more of actual playing, rather than just sticking things in her mouth. This morning we made a little bed for her baby doll and she was so enamored with putting the baby to bed and then waking her up. She would cover her with the blanket and give her a bottle. Later after her nap and her afternoon snack I asked her what she wanted to drink, milk or juice? She looked right at me and said “Ummmm…” then signed milk. I about died. She is developing opinions and making decisions. Where did my baby go?!?



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Filed under Baby Girl, Growing Up, Motherhood, Stay At Home Mom

Toddler Territory

Thank you for all of the advice on my last post. I thought a lot about it and consulted with a few other moms I know, and I’ve decided that for now I’m going to let it go. Muppet is only 17 months old so I really don’t feel like I should be putting all this pressure on myself to remove the binky from her life. I’m going to relax about it and re-evaluate the situation when we are closer to two.

One of the main reasons I feel like this needs to wait is the tantrum situation is in full swing at our house right now. I feel like Muppet went from being a baby to being a toddler in a span of a week. There are so many wonderful things about toddlers. The way they learn new things is memorizing and I love watching her little brain pick up things that are going on around her. But the tantrums are hard. Even harder because as of right now Muppet has absolutely no understanding of the word “no”. She laughs at me every time I say it. I really don’t know what to do about it other than hope in time she will start to understand that when I say that to her there is a reason.

The biggest issue we are having is throwing food. Every time she is in her high chair she throws her food and laughs. It isn’t because she is not hungry or doesn’t like the food, she just thinks it is funny. I’m trying to implement the whole ‘if your throwing your food you must be done’ thing but so far it isn’t working. She gets down to play and then wants to eat food off of mine or J’s plate. But she won’t eat food in her high chair. On top of that, she isn’t gaining weight very well lately. Every appointment we drop in the percentiles more and more. She is an active kid so I understand why this is happening, but it makes it really hard to deprive her of food.

Now that she is getting older, though, I can finally start doing more planned activities with her. In the past she hasn’t been too interested in stuff because she would rather run around. But yesterday we did our first sensory box! She has SO much fun, as did I. I was a little nervous that because we were doing it on the balcony where we keep bikes and stuff that she would show no interest in the box but she surprised me. When I took her outside she went straight for the box and played with it the whole time without me needing to redirect her at all.

I can’t wait to find more activities like this to do with her in the future. Not only does it keep her busy for part of the afternoon, but I feel like she is the type of kid who has fewer tantrums when she is on a structured schedule. She has always done well with structure so I know I need to push to give us a little more of that now that she is growing up. It is really amazing how fast these little creatures change and grow. I want to be a good mom and sometimes I really need to remind myself that she needs my guidance. It is really easy for me to fall into a bit of ‘laziness’ with staying at home and playing with her. Toddler needs to run and be free!

Anyways this is mostly just me babbling. Things are changing so much in our house right now and I’m just trying to keep up with it all. I love this little girl so much. I love that she now calls me “Mommy” instead of just “Ma”. It really hits me that I have a kid and that I am her whole world. Me. That is mind-blowing, but also incredibly cool.



Filed under Baby Girl, Family, Growing Up, Motherhood, Stay At Home Mom

The Binky Wars

“Bin-ky, Bin-ky, Bin-ky!” echos throughout our house these days. Muppet has recently started using 2 syllable words and calling our for her beloved binky was one of the first she learned. I’ve always had a love / hate relationship with her pacifiers. I love how they are able to quell any tantrums and how they seem to soothe her during long trips in the car or on a plane. I also give them credit for her still taking 2 naps a day. But the older she gets the more they weigh on my conscience.

With the exception of her two-year old molars, Muppet has all her teeth. So the more I see the pacifier in her mouth the more I cringe thinking about the damage they are causing to her mouth. I also naively thought that as she got older she would become less dependant on them, not more. For awhile she would only take on type of pacifier, the soothies that they start babies on in the hospital. We had a few other kinds that people gave us but she refused them all. But over the last month as I’ve slowly started letting the binkys become lost she has decided that any binky will do. She takes them all now, as long as she can stick it in her mouth.

I know it is probably time for me to take control of the situation. She is 17 months old tomorrow and heavily dependant on these stupid things. But every time I think about taking it away I have a moment of panic. Muppet is a really good sleeper most of the time. She goes down at 7:30 (without the binky) and sleeps till 7:30 or 8 the next morning. Yes at some point during the night she does get her binky. On good nights it is between 5 or 6. Meaning she has slept 10-11 hours without it. These are the nights I convince myself that it isn’t a problem right now and I can wait. Then there are nights like last night. She went to be like normal but woke at 11:30 and wouldn’t go back to sleep without her binky. Then she woke at 2:30 and 6:15. Both those times I had to go in and giver her her binky even though it was in the crib with her and had she wanted to, could have grabbed it. Part of the appeal of letting her sleep with the binky is self soothing! Yet I’m still the one going in to give it to her over and over. Plus I absolutely cringe at the thought of her sleeping with it in her mouth for most of the night.

Despite the fact that she goes to bed easily without her pacifier, she will not nap without it. I’ve tried a few times and it was a disaster. And again, she naps twice a day! At 1 1/2 years old! To me this is a major thing and not something I want to end. She needs those naps, on the days she doesn’t get both she is so cranky it is unreal. So the thought of taking the binky away and rocking the boat with the nap thing scares me. We have also reached full-blown toddlerhood (I’ll write a post on this soon) complete with tantrums. Sometimes giving her the binky is the only thing I can do to quell the storm.

I’m seriously at a loss as to what to do guys. Right now I feel the ideal solution is to wean her of the binky at night but let her have it during naps and if needed during the day. The only way to get her off it at night though is to let her cry it out. I have no issue with this, we’ve done it before but she is also a lot different now and I’m scared of the inevitable day that she learns to climb out of her crib and scared that a cry it out session might push her to try.

As you can see my mind is a jumble. I don’t know what to do or how to do it. Can someone else come do this for me? As I type this she is in the middle of a tantrum because I wouldn’t let her throw a book at my head. Binky to the rescue!

Does anyone have any advice? What would you do in my situation?



Filed under Baby Girl, Growing Up, Motherhood, Stay At Home Mom

New year, good year

2014 is gone. It was without a doubt the fastest year of my life. It was the first year that Muppet has been alive for the full 12 months. My days turned into story books, kissing dollies, going to the park and nap schedules. It was the best.

Muppet is now 16 months old and quite a little firecracker. She is one of the sweetest children with the happiest disposition I’ve ever seen. She is full of smiles and laughter. She loves her baby dolls and is constantly hugging them while saying “awww” and patting their little heads. Despite all the she is quite stubborn and dramatic when she doesn’t get her way. She signs “more” all day long and if you say “no” to what she is asking for, the motions get bigger and bigger until she finally melts to the ground in anger. Tantrums shouldn’t be allowed to be that cute.

Now that she is getting older we have had to start making decisions about how we want to proceed with building our family. We have always known that we wanted more than one child. In the early days, before infertility, we had decided on 3-4 kids. Now we are very certain that 2 is going to be our number. I can’t imagine going through more than 2 adoptions. Not only is it too expensive, but the emotional stuff starts to add up quickly. Because we will only be having 2 children, we very much want them to be close in age. 2 years would be our ideal, but that is coming up really quickly. We are aiming for no more than 3 years apart now.

We are hoping to start the adoption process sometime within the next few months. We need to renew our homestudy, which supposedly is not nearly as hard or costly, before we can start the matching process again. I really don’t know what to expect this time around. We will again be pursing trans-racial adoption and hope to get another african-american baby so that Muppet has a family member who looks like her. The fact that we already have a black child could majorly help us. Or birth moms could lean more towards other couples who don’t already have children. It could go either way. I know we will get picked, but it is impossibly to know how long it will take.

I am both incredibly excited and terrified at the thought of another child. I know Muppet will be an awesome big sister but I also think of all the things that are going to be so much harder when there are 2 kids to take care of. 2 nap schedules, 2 night-time issues, 2 different personalities, ect. It is definitely going to be a challenge. But having a baby again is going to be so incredible. I love watching Muppet grow and learn but toddlerhood has come full force to our house and it isn’t always easy. Over the holidays Muppet had her Dad and my mom at her disposal at all times so she decided she never wanted me. If I tried to hold her she would struggle and cry until Daddy or Grandma rescued her. It was incredibly hard on me. But I know it was just the novelty of having someone other that Mom around to give you all their attention. Now that we are back home she is my girl again. Those baby hugs are worth all the tantrums in the world.

I hope that we get as lucky the second time around as we did the first. Although at the moment it is hard to imagine any child topping the one I have right now. I wish you all a wonderful new year and hope all of your dreams come true.




Filed under adoption, BABIES!, Baby Girl, Motherhood, Stay At Home Mom, Trans-racial adoption