Category Archives: Motherhood

Post Birth

I really can’t believe how long it has taken me to write-up this whole story. I truly didn’t anticipate how adding a second child to our family would turn our lives into a whirlwind. Otis will be 8 weeks old in two days! Time for Mama to stop slacking.

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Things were quite different with this adoption, as I had mentioned. It was at the same hospital, the same agency, even the same birth mom, yet everything had changed. When we adopted Muppet the hospital was extremely accommodating to adoptive parents. I received a wrist band to the nursery and we were given our own room so that we could stay in the hospital with our daughter and have her with us at all times. But due to an unusual circumstance involving adoptive parents about a year ago, the hospital now does not allow any of this. Meaning we were only allowed in the nursery (and hospital) during visiting hours (7am – 8pm) and we weren’t even allowed to wheel Otis from the nursery to A’s room without an escort. We were constantly watched when with the baby. Even in the nursery, they gave us a room to hang out in for “privacy” but it had a big window right in sight of the nurses station and they constantly checked on us.

We were a bit shocked by all this. The agency didn’t tell us any of this before hand, so we came prepared for an overnight stay. Once they told us all this I couldn’t help but feel upset. I was expected to leave my brand new baby, who technically wasn’t even mine yet, in the nursery all night. In my head I knew there was no safer place for him, surrounded by nurses, but it still hurt. A was pretty understanding about all of it. She let us stay with the baby in her room till about 10:30 that first night and would have let us stay longer, but we finally decided it was best to go home and let everyone rest up for the next day. I had a hard time sleeping that night, wishing I could hold my baby. We set our alarms for early and got to the hospital right as visiting hours started.  We hung out in the nursery till A called us around 8:30 and invited us back into her room. The whole thing was a bit awkward. We just kinda sat around watching TV and holding the baby. A seemed to put up a huge wall regarding Otis. To this day she has never even held him.

Finally it was time for the signing. I’d like to say I wasn’t nervous this time around, but I think it is impossible not to be in that situation. But it went as smoothly as that kind of thing could go. It was over pretty quickly and A’s parental rights were terminated. We weren’t sure if she would want to see us afterwards but we were immediately invited back in. She was in a bit of pain since she was not allowed to take any pain killers for 6 hours prior to the signing. We gave her a small gift, a necklace with an infinity charm and both kids birth stones. This was the first moment that I saw emotion out of her and she broke down crying. We decided to give her some space and took the baby to the nursery and the private room. Another thing that was frustrating about the hospital’s new policies, our families were not allowed to come visit. Even though the papers were signed since we were not patients we could not have visitors and they would not allow us to take the baby home until A was discharged.

After a few hours in our nursery solitude my parents brought Muppet and took us out for a quick dinner. They were disappointed they couldn’t come in, as was I since I had a whole vision of Muppet meeting her brother in my mind, but were in good spirits. It was so good to see my girl. I hugged her tight and told her all about her new brother. She proudly wore her “Big Sister” shirt and looked at all the pictures I had of him on my phone. While we were at dinner we received some awful news, A had developed some kind of infection and developed a fever, meaning she would not be discharged the following day as planned. We would not get to bring the baby home. I blame the emotional rollercoaster of adoption for how I reacted but I completely broke down. As horrible as I felt for A I wanted to bring my baby home. He needed to be with his family not in a nursery, and I also needed to be with my daughter whom I was missing terribly. I felt so torn between my two babies. But they were adamant that they would not release Otis till A was released. That was a hard night. We made a decision on how we would handle the rest of the hospital stay by breaking up shifts with each of the kids. I would go to the hospital in the morning while J stayed with Muppet, then I’d come home for lunch and we’d switch. I left the hospital when visiting hours were over feeling so deflated.

I again rose early and got right to the hospital to be with my baby. I had the nurses let A know I was there in case she wanted to see me but decided to give her as much privacy as I could so she could hopefully heal. After a few hours she requested to see me – just me. She didn’t want to see the baby. I was determined to be optimistic when I saw her, after all she was in pain and none of this was her fault. I told her our plan for splitting up time at the hospital and with the kids. I wanted to make sure she knew we were not neglecting Muppet during all this craziness. She was very understanding and told me something that gave me a lot of hope, that she was possibly going to request that we take the baby home before she was released. I didn’t push her, but tried to let her know how much we would appreciate that. I stayed with her about 45 min. before heading back to be with Otis.

By lunch time I still hadn’t heard anything so I was preparing to go home and switch shifts with J. As I was starting to get ready my case worker called me, A had indeed requested that we take the baby home. I was overjoyed but quickly found that it wasn’t that simple. This was literally never done. Everyone was baffled when they found out we would be taking Otis home before A was released. What followed was a long few hours and getting approvals between the hospital , adoption agency, and the doctors. But at last…it was time. I packed my bitty boy into his car seat and went to bid A farewell. She was surprisingly calm during everything. I thanked her profusely and made sure she knew we weren’t abandoning her and that we could come back to visit if she wished. We hugged and I was finally able to bring my boy home.

It wasn’t exactly what I planned…I got home and there was no one else there. My mom, J and Muppet were out getting diapers. My dad was still at work. So Otis and I arrived to an empty house. But soon we heard the garage door open and I knew it was time to introduce Muppet to her new brother. It was a sweet moment, even if it wasn’t how I wanted it to be. She immediately wanted to hold him and kept calling him “Baby Brother”. Seeing my two babies together was so incredible. I found it hard to believe that all of this was real.

Settling with a newborn is challenging, doing it with a 2-year-old is even more difficult. Not to mention we were still dealing with A being in the hospital and making sure we were still communicating with her. The day after we went home she asked if we could bring her dinner – and bring the kids with us. This was so scary for us. It would be the first time A had seen Muppet since we left the hospital almost 2 years ago. We had no idea how this was going to go. But we agreed and headed out.

Walking down the hall to her room I felt sick. I was just so incredibly nervous. I went in first to make sure she was ready and then J came in with Muppet and Otis. A immediately lit up upon seeing Muppet. She was clearly enchanted by her. Muppet was very hesitant to enter the room. At 21 months there was no way to prepare her for this, she is too young to understand. But gradually we got her to warm up by giving her snacks and playing games. She paraded around the room singing songs and showing off her baby sign language. She wouldn’t go to A, which I was worried would upset her, but A seemed to understand. She told me she was glad that she was hesitant around strangers and so connected to us. I was also worried about Muppet openly calling me “Mommy” but again A took it in stride. She told us over and over how amazed she was by Muppet. She said she was so smart and that she never could have given Muppet what we were obviously giving her. We stayed for about an hour and it was probably my favorite part of this whole adoption. It was like a huge weight had been lifted off our shoulders. Seeing how happy it made A to see Muppet reassured us that our relationship with her would remain positive. As we left we all gave A a big hug, I held Muppet and brought her to A so she could kiss her head. We left knowing it would be a very long time before we saw each other again.

I spoke to A a few days later and she told me how much it meant to her to see all of us together. She said she had also been concerned about how seeing Muppet again would make her feel, but it actually made her feel better about her decisions. She said she knew she had done the right thing for both Muppet and Otis and that our family was beautiful. A is beautiful. She is a wonderful person who has ended up in some crappy situations. But she is a wonderful mother who knows when she isn’t enough for her children. That takes more strength than most people have.

We are a family of 4 now. It has been an incredibly crazy journey, but little Otis has competed us. We feel so grateful to have him in our lives as well as Muppet. We are truly blessed.

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I know I said I’d post pictures but right now I just don’t feel like it is something I should do. However I am a crazy Instagrammer. So if you would like to see pictures of Otis and Muppet feel free to follow me @a.trisha. It is a private account so I just request that you send me a direct message saying you follow my blog so I can approve you. Thank you all so much for all the support you’ve given me over the years. I love this community and feel so grateful to have been apart of it.

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Filed under adoption, BABIES!, Baby Boy, Baby Girl, Birth Mom, Family, Motherhood, Trans-racial adoption

The Birth

I originally imagined having this post up much sooner. But something about having two kids makes your day disappear more quickly than I could have ever imagined. Top that off with the fact that I’ve been really sick…well its been crazy to say the least. But without further ado, Otis’ birth.

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We were told to be ready by 8:30 am just in case things started moving quickly. A was being induced at 6:00 am but we were not allowed to go to the hospital till she had her epidural and was comfortable even though at this point she didn’t even want to see us. I knew things would likely take longer though so I took my time in the morning to get Muppet settled with my mom. She went down for her morning nap and then we got the call. It was about 10:30 am and we needed to get there asap. I was a little upset that Muppet was asleep so I couldn’t give my only child a big kiss for the last time but it was probably for the best. We packed up the car and headed out.

When we arrived at the hospital we were both a jumble of nerves. We met our case worker in the lobby and she informed us that A was having a bit of a hard time. Her first epidural failed so they had to do a second one as she was in a lot of pain. And she didn’t want to see us. Her labor was moving quickly though so they wanted us close by.

We hung out if the waiting room making idle chit-chat with our CM for about a half an hour. By then A decided she wanted to see us. I felt like there was a lot of tension in the air but as soon as I walked in the room it all melted away. The moment I saw her I started crying. I’m an emotional wreck like that. But I walked straight over to her and embraced her. We both sat and cried for various reasons. All the past, the present, and the future moments that we share. But it was what needed to happen as it hugely broke the ice. After our little cry session we were all at ease and were able relax as much as possible.

We talked about Muppet and showed her recent pictures. She loved hearing all about how much she is growing and developing. She asked if we had decided on a name and luckily she loved the one we picked. She was about  9 cm at this point so we all prepared ourselves for what was about to happen. She looked at us and asked us to stay which just made my heart so happy. I was going to stand on one side of her by her head, while J was on the other side of the room so he didn’t have a direct shot at the goods.

The doctor came in and we all took a deep breath. I gave A a big hug and told her how much I loved her. Then it was time for Otis to be born. Overall it was an uneventful birth. He was here so quickly, only 3 or 4 pushes. When he started crying we all sighed with relief and gratitude that our little man had made his way into the world. The atmosphere was so much different from Muppet’s birth. At this point A was a wreck the first time around, she was crying and hiding her face, but this time there were no tears. Just relief that it was over. I cut the cord and the immediately moved Otis to the other side of the room to get cleaned up.

I expected this huge emotional air, like there was with Muppet but really it couldn’t have been different. We all just seemed so calm and at peace. A decided not to hold him after he was weighed and cleaned up. Our little man weighed in at only 5 lbs 4 ounces and 17 3/4 inches long. He was so tiny I couldn’t believe it. They placed him in my arms and I marveled over this incredible little creature.

A decided she wanted us to stay in the room for a while so we fed Otis his first bottle there. We snapped pictures and admired our new son while his birth mom looked on. It wasn’t uncomfortable at all. She seemed to have put up wall blocking her emotions. We really didn’t see any from her at all. After 45 minutes or so it was time for us to head into the nursery so Otis could get his shots and a bath. We bid farewell to A with a promise to return to her room as soon as we could.

In the nursery we traded off holding our son and I was able to give him his first bath. You forget how small and delicate those little fresh creatures are. He reminded me so much of Muppet. His coloring is very different, but his facial features sent me spinning into deja vu. My two babies were here. My son had arrived.

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Filed under adoption, BABIES!, Baby Boy, Birth Mom, Motherhood, Trans-racial adoption

He’s Here!

I know some people have been asking for an update so I just wanted to stop in really quick and let you all know that our baby boy is here, happy and healthy! He was born June 15th at 12:18 pm weighing a tiny 5 lbs 4 oz and 17 3/4 inches long. His birth mom signed the papers terminating her parental rights 24 hours later and we are officially his guardians until his adoption is finalized in 6 months. I have SO many stories to tell about this whole process, it was so different from last time so hopefully I’ll be able to get some longer posts up soon. On this blog I have decided to refer to him as Otis. If you want to know his real name this is a major hint as there is a pretty famous duo where one of them has the name Otis. The other name in the duo is our sons name. Thank you everyone for the well wishes, I promise to give a better update soon!

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Filed under adoption, Baby Boy, Birth Mom, If you're happy and you know it..., Motherhood, Trans-racial adoption

Progress has been made

After months of trying to wrangle all our home study paperwork, we finally are making progress. Yesterday we had our couple interview and also J did his individual interview. Our agency has been so great about working with our schedules and let us knock out 2 interviews on the same day. While J was in his interview, Muppet and I took a little stroll to Wendy’s were I shamelessly fed my child french fries and 10 am and let her watch her tablet. 

Next Tuesday will be our actual home visit and my individual interview. From there she just has to write-up the report and we are done! I really like our social worker, she understands the time crunch we are under and has been incredible about making sure we are on an accelerated path. She told me she’d stay up all night to write the report if she had too, which I greatly appreciated.

This weekend we are FINALLY moving into our permanent home. After a month in temporary housing in downtown Seattle, I am more than ready to settle down into our lives. Our housing situation has honestly been a nightmare, but it seems like we have finally reached the end. We did however have the pleasure of meeting up with Cristy and her crew this weekend which was so much fun. definitely one of the highlights of our downtown experience. I’m so excited to be in my own space and have all our stuff back. I have about a million sewing projects I want to work on before the baby gets here and I’m really anxious to get going. We are also going to begin trying to potty train Muppet next week. I’d like her to at least have a basic foundation before Baby Boy arrives and she seems like she is ready. Wish us luck!

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March Madness

On Tuesday we turned in our home study paper work. FINALLY. We start our social worker visits next week and I couldn’t be more excited to get this home study done and behind us. We have been receiving regular updates from our birth mom and the adoption agency and everything with Baby Boy is good. It is coming down to about 9 weeks until he is here which is both incredibly exciting and absolutely terrifying.

As I was editing our Adoption Time line page (on the menu above) I started glancing at the whole time line to check out certain dates and check this out guys:

March 4th, 2013 – Turn in adoption paperwork for Muppet

March 4th, 2014 – Muppet’s adoption finalized

March 3rd, 2015 – We find out about Baby Boy.

Crazy right?!?! I also should mention that March 2nd 2013 was supposed to be my due date for my second pregnancy, but that isn’t a good thing to remember. So yeah.

But other than that it seems crazy to me that all these big events in our adoption history have happened almost exactly a year apart from each other. By next March our son’s adoption will have already been finalized and our family will be complete. I’m a big fan of simple things like this.

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Patience is not a virtue I possess

We have been very lucky with our adoptions. Muppet’s adoption took 9 months start to finish, including the home study. Not bad at all when you consider the national average is 2 years. 9 months seems perfect, just like a pregnancy! The main difference is though, that the time between when we were picked to be Muppet’s parents and the time she was born was only 4 short weeks. We rushed to get ready in that time, especially since I flew out a week early so really we only had 3 weeks to prepare our home for our new arrival.

It was a flurry of activity washing clothes, packing bags, setting up the nursery, and buying all the necessities. It was crazy but so exciting. I knew that I would finally be holding my baby in a months time and I still get butterflies thinking back on those weeks.

This adoption is so different for us. It honestly feels like we are doing everything backwards. We got ‘picked’ first, adoption agency papers second, and home study third. The exact opposite of how we did it last time. And then there is the part that has been the hardest for me: I still don’t have my baby. That may seem like a weird statement but we found out about Baby Boy the first few days in March. It has been a month now that we’ve been anticipating his arrival. At this point the first time around, I already had Muppet in my arms. So the thought that we still have around 2 and a half months to wait to meet our son seems so long to me.

Apparently I’d have a really hard time with a ‘normal’ pregnancy because I am not patient at all. I’m just so excited to meet him and hold him and love him. I already love him so much. We are 90% sure on his name and I’ve already purchased the outfit that he will wear home from the hospital. I’m just ready. Ready for him.

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We are somewhat settled in Seattle now although we still don’t have a place to live after the end of this month. It is all a work in progress. But J has started his new job and it has been even more than we hoped for. I’m turning in our home study paper work by the end of the week and we will be starting the social worker visits shortly afterwards. I know there are a few of you in the Seattle area so if anyone ever wants to meet up shoot me an e-mail! I’m feeling a little lost in our new home as I don’t really have a social group anymore. Plus I just love getting to put faces to the names that I’ve read for so many years.

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After boom

Thank you all for your comments and congratulations! Although I haven’t been as present since Muppet was born I knew I could come to you all with this major change in our lives. I love this community so much and am so grateful for all the support.

I said in my last post that I couldn’t write about all that has happened in one post. Because yes, there is more. While all this was going on with the new adoption we were also coming face to face with some other major life changes. For awhile now we have been toying around with the idea of relocating. Our time in SoCal has been amazing. The people that we have met and who have become our family are truly some of the best people I’ve ever met in my life. While it is hard to think of leaving that kind of comfort we were feeling stagnant. So J started apply and this week caught the fish of our dreams.

At the end of this month we will be moving to Seattle, WA where J will be working for a major gaming studio. We are beyond excited. But adding a major move with all the adoption stuff is making my eye twitch with anxiety and stress. I started filling out paperwork for our home study today. We are working with a Washington agency who is able to get this done in a rush for us so we have every thing prepared before the baby comes. I’m frantically making calls all day trying to arrange physicals, finger printing, and anything we can plausibly get done before we leave Cali. That way as soon as we get to our new home we can start the social worker visits.

We haven’t announced anything about the baby on FB yet. We have quite a few people who know but for the most part we want to get settled in Seattle before we unveil that impending event. Plus I really want to do a picture of Muppet in a big sister shirt to announce. Since this is going to be my last (seriously.) baby I can’t help but really want to do that despite how annoying I’ve found it to be in the past. And right now I just don’t have the time to take that kind of photo the way I want it.

Luckily we have some great friends in Seattle and one of them just bought a house, so the house they were renting is available. We will likely be taking over their lease so that we can get a feel of the area before buying a home of our own. This takes my stress level down a bit as at least I don’t have to worry about rushing to buy a house just so we have a roof over our heads. I’m also going to be going to stay with my parents for a week so that Muppet and I are out-of-the-way for J and the movers. Trying to pack with an 19 month old is just too difficult so luckily our new company is paying someone to do that for us.

AGH. I have so much to do I almost don’t even know where to start. I’m just taking things one day at a time and reminding myself how lucky I am to be having all these amazing things happen for me.

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