Post Birth

I really can’t believe how long it has taken me to write-up this whole story. I truly didn’t anticipate how adding a second child to our family would turn our lives into a whirlwind. Otis will be 8 weeks old in two days! Time for Mama to stop slacking.

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Things were quite different with this adoption, as I had mentioned. It was at the same hospital, the same agency, even the same birth mom, yet everything had changed. When we adopted Muppet the hospital was extremely accommodating to adoptive parents. I received a wrist band to the nursery and we were given our own room so that we could stay in the hospital with our daughter and have her with us at all times. But due to an unusual circumstance involving adoptive parents about a year ago, the hospital now does not allow any of this. Meaning we were only allowed in the nursery (and hospital) during visiting hours (7am – 8pm) and we weren’t even allowed to wheel Otis from the nursery to A’s room without an escort. We were constantly watched when with the baby. Even in the nursery, they gave us a room to hang out in for “privacy” but it had a big window right in sight of the nurses station and they constantly checked on us.

We were a bit shocked by all this. The agency didn’t tell us any of this before hand, so we came prepared for an overnight stay. Once they told us all this I couldn’t help but feel upset. I was expected to leave my brand new baby, who technically wasn’t even mine yet, in the nursery all night. In my head I knew there was no safer place for him, surrounded by nurses, but it still hurt. A was pretty understanding about all of it. She let us stay with the baby in her room till about 10:30 that first night and would have let us stay longer, but we finally decided it was best to go home and let everyone rest up for the next day. I had a hard time sleeping that night, wishing I could hold my baby. We set our alarms for early and got to the hospital right as visiting hours started.  We hung out in the nursery till A called us around 8:30 and invited us back into her room. The whole thing was a bit awkward. We just kinda sat around watching TV and holding the baby. A seemed to put up a huge wall regarding Otis. To this day she has never even held him.

Finally it was time for the signing. I’d like to say I wasn’t nervous this time around, but I think it is impossible not to be in that situation. But it went as smoothly as that kind of thing could go. It was over pretty quickly and A’s parental rights were terminated. We weren’t sure if she would want to see us afterwards but we were immediately invited back in. She was in a bit of pain since she was not allowed to take any pain killers for 6 hours prior to the signing. We gave her a small gift, a necklace with an infinity charm and both kids birth stones. This was the first moment that I saw emotion out of her and she broke down crying. We decided to give her some space and took the baby to the nursery and the private room. Another thing that was frustrating about the hospital’s new policies, our families were not allowed to come visit. Even though the papers were signed since we were not patients we could not have visitors and they would not allow us to take the baby home until A was discharged.

After a few hours in our nursery solitude my parents brought Muppet and took us out for a quick dinner. They were disappointed they couldn’t come in, as was I since I had a whole vision of Muppet meeting her brother in my mind, but were in good spirits. It was so good to see my girl. I hugged her tight and told her all about her new brother. She proudly wore her “Big Sister” shirt and looked at all the pictures I had of him on my phone. While we were at dinner we received some awful news, A had developed some kind of infection and developed a fever, meaning she would not be discharged the following day as planned. We would not get to bring the baby home. I blame the emotional rollercoaster of adoption for how I reacted but I completely broke down. As horrible as I felt for A I wanted to bring my baby home. He needed to be with his family not in a nursery, and I also needed to be with my daughter whom I was missing terribly. I felt so torn between my two babies. But they were adamant that they would not release Otis till A was released. That was a hard night. We made a decision on how we would handle the rest of the hospital stay by breaking up shifts with each of the kids. I would go to the hospital in the morning while J stayed with Muppet, then I’d come home for lunch and we’d switch. I left the hospital when visiting hours were over feeling so deflated.

I again rose early and got right to the hospital to be with my baby. I had the nurses let A know I was there in case she wanted to see me but decided to give her as much privacy as I could so she could hopefully heal. After a few hours she requested to see me – just me. She didn’t want to see the baby. I was determined to be optimistic when I saw her, after all she was in pain and none of this was her fault. I told her our plan for splitting up time at the hospital and with the kids. I wanted to make sure she knew we were not neglecting Muppet during all this craziness. She was very understanding and told me something that gave me a lot of hope, that she was possibly going to request that we take the baby home before she was released. I didn’t push her, but tried to let her know how much we would appreciate that. I stayed with her about 45 min. before heading back to be with Otis.

By lunch time I still hadn’t heard anything so I was preparing to go home and switch shifts with J. As I was starting to get ready my case worker called me, A had indeed requested that we take the baby home. I was overjoyed but quickly found that it wasn’t that simple. This was literally never done. Everyone was baffled when they found out we would be taking Otis home before A was released. What followed was a long few hours and getting approvals between the hospital , adoption agency, and the doctors. But at last…it was time. I packed my bitty boy into his car seat and went to bid A farewell. She was surprisingly calm during everything. I thanked her profusely and made sure she knew we weren’t abandoning her and that we could come back to visit if she wished. We hugged and I was finally able to bring my boy home.

It wasn’t exactly what I planned…I got home and there was no one else there. My mom, J and Muppet were out getting diapers. My dad was still at work. So Otis and I arrived to an empty house. But soon we heard the garage door open and I knew it was time to introduce Muppet to her new brother. It was a sweet moment, even if it wasn’t how I wanted it to be. She immediately wanted to hold him and kept calling him “Baby Brother”. Seeing my two babies together was so incredible. I found it hard to believe that all of this was real.

Settling with a newborn is challenging, doing it with a 2-year-old is even more difficult. Not to mention we were still dealing with A being in the hospital and making sure we were still communicating with her. The day after we went home she asked if we could bring her dinner – and bring the kids with us. This was so scary for us. It would be the first time A had seen Muppet since we left the hospital almost 2 years ago. We had no idea how this was going to go. But we agreed and headed out.

Walking down the hall to her room I felt sick. I was just so incredibly nervous. I went in first to make sure she was ready and then J came in with Muppet and Otis. A immediately lit up upon seeing Muppet. She was clearly enchanted by her. Muppet was very hesitant to enter the room. At 21 months there was no way to prepare her for this, she is too young to understand. But gradually we got her to warm up by giving her snacks and playing games. She paraded around the room singing songs and showing off her baby sign language. She wouldn’t go to A, which I was worried would upset her, but A seemed to understand. She told me she was glad that she was hesitant around strangers and so connected to us. I was also worried about Muppet openly calling me “Mommy” but again A took it in stride. She told us over and over how amazed she was by Muppet. She said she was so smart and that she never could have given Muppet what we were obviously giving her. We stayed for about an hour and it was probably my favorite part of this whole adoption. It was like a huge weight had been lifted off our shoulders. Seeing how happy it made A to see Muppet reassured us that our relationship with her would remain positive. As we left we all gave A a big hug, I held Muppet and brought her to A so she could kiss her head. We left knowing it would be a very long time before we saw each other again.

I spoke to A a few days later and she told me how much it meant to her to see all of us together. She said she had also been concerned about how seeing Muppet again would make her feel, but it actually made her feel better about her decisions. She said she knew she had done the right thing for both Muppet and Otis and that our family was beautiful. A is beautiful. She is a wonderful person who has ended up in some crappy situations. But she is a wonderful mother who knows when she isn’t enough for her children. That takes more strength than most people have.

We are a family of 4 now. It has been an incredibly crazy journey, but little Otis has competed us. We feel so grateful to have him in our lives as well as Muppet. We are truly blessed.

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I know I said I’d post pictures but right now I just don’t feel like it is something I should do. However I am a crazy Instagrammer. So if you would like to see pictures of Otis and Muppet feel free to follow me @a.trisha. It is a private account so I just request that you send me a direct message saying you follow my blog so I can approve you. Thank you all so much for all the support you’ve given me over the years. I love this community and feel so grateful to have been apart of it.

Lucky

I know I still haven’t finished Otis’ birth story (yes there is more) but things have been kinda hectic around here lately. Lets just say that going from one to two kids is not easy! But I need to take a small break from the birth story for a very special post. This post is very near and dear to my heart as it is an announcement that makes my heart burst with joy.

Those of you who have followed me for a while may recall that many years ago I developed a close relationship with another blogger, Tutti. She and I connected on a level that I never expected when we decided to meet up eons ago. She became my rock during a very dark time. We went through infertility, recurrent pregnancy loss, and giving up hope together. I gave up hope when I lost my 4th pregnancy, she gave up hope when she got divorced. Things changed a lot for us after that. She moved across the country and we started heading in very different paths, but we never lost our connection. She was my biggest cheerleader leading up to Muppet’s birth and never seemed to resent me finally becoming a mother when she wasn’t. I truly feel blessed to have her in my life. I treasure a picture I have of her holding Muppet when she stopped by for a brief visit. Tutti has so much strength and such an amazing attitude towards life and I am so proud to call her my friend.

I am overjoyed to announce that Tutti, my dear friend has reached the end of her journey after all these long years. On Tuesday July 23rd, she welcomed her beautiful baby into the world, a daughter whom I’ve decided to refer to as Lucky. Both mom and baby are doing well and are home enjoying their time together and with loved ones. I’m dying that I can’t be there to hold this special little girl but I’m sending her my love from across the country.  I’ve already decided that she and Otis will marry some day, whether they like it or not.

Welcome Lucky, you are truly lucky to have such an amazing mom and we are all so lucky that you have finally arrived.

The Birth

I originally imagined having this post up much sooner. But something about having two kids makes your day disappear more quickly than I could have ever imagined. Top that off with the fact that I’ve been really sick…well its been crazy to say the least. But without further ado, Otis’ birth.

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We were told to be ready by 8:30 am just in case things started moving quickly. A was being induced at 6:00 am but we were not allowed to go to the hospital till she had her epidural and was comfortable even though at this point she didn’t even want to see us. I knew things would likely take longer though so I took my time in the morning to get Muppet settled with my mom. She went down for her morning nap and then we got the call. It was about 10:30 am and we needed to get there asap. I was a little upset that Muppet was asleep so I couldn’t give my only child a big kiss for the last time but it was probably for the best. We packed up the car and headed out.

When we arrived at the hospital we were both a jumble of nerves. We met our case worker in the lobby and she informed us that A was having a bit of a hard time. Her first epidural failed so they had to do a second one as she was in a lot of pain. And she didn’t want to see us. Her labor was moving quickly though so they wanted us close by.

We hung out if the waiting room making idle chit-chat with our CM for about a half an hour. By then A decided she wanted to see us. I felt like there was a lot of tension in the air but as soon as I walked in the room it all melted away. The moment I saw her I started crying. I’m an emotional wreck like that. But I walked straight over to her and embraced her. We both sat and cried for various reasons. All the past, the present, and the future moments that we share. But it was what needed to happen as it hugely broke the ice. After our little cry session we were all at ease and were able relax as much as possible.

We talked about Muppet and showed her recent pictures. She loved hearing all about how much she is growing and developing. She asked if we had decided on a name and luckily she loved the one we picked. She was about  9 cm at this point so we all prepared ourselves for what was about to happen. She looked at us and asked us to stay which just made my heart so happy. I was going to stand on one side of her by her head, while J was on the other side of the room so he didn’t have a direct shot at the goods.

The doctor came in and we all took a deep breath. I gave A a big hug and told her how much I loved her. Then it was time for Otis to be born. Overall it was an uneventful birth. He was here so quickly, only 3 or 4 pushes. When he started crying we all sighed with relief and gratitude that our little man had made his way into the world. The atmosphere was so much different from Muppet’s birth. At this point A was a wreck the first time around, she was crying and hiding her face, but this time there were no tears. Just relief that it was over. I cut the cord and the immediately moved Otis to the other side of the room to get cleaned up.

I expected this huge emotional air, like there was with Muppet but really it couldn’t have been different. We all just seemed so calm and at peace. A decided not to hold him after he was weighed and cleaned up. Our little man weighed in at only 5 lbs 4 ounces and 17 3/4 inches long. He was so tiny I couldn’t believe it. They placed him in my arms and I marveled over this incredible little creature.

A decided she wanted us to stay in the room for a while so we fed Otis his first bottle there. We snapped pictures and admired our new son while his birth mom looked on. It wasn’t uncomfortable at all. She seemed to have put up wall blocking her emotions. We really didn’t see any from her at all. After 45 minutes or so it was time for us to head into the nursery so Otis could get his shots and a bath. We bid farewell to A with a promise to return to her room as soon as we could.

In the nursery we traded off holding our son and I was able to give him his first bath. You forget how small and delicate those little fresh creatures are. He reminded me so much of Muppet. His coloring is very different, but his facial features sent me spinning into deja vu. My two babies were here. My son had arrived.

Pre-Birth

Otis turned 2 weeks old today. 2 weeks have passed since this little human came into our lives and I already feel as if he has always been here. The stories I have to tell about his birth are broken into 3 parts. Here is the first.

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Considering how we found out about Otis, we should have known how completely different this process would be from Muppet’s adoption. Looking back I think that both parties (us and birth mom) went into Muppet’s adoption naively. None of us were prepared for how heavy the emotional aspect would be. This time, we were all hyper aware of it.

Once our home study and adoption paper work went through, I just assumed that the rest of the process would follow pretty much the same course as last time. But I couldn’t have been more wrong. We arrived in the state where our son would be born 6 days before the induction. I wanted to be there early just in case she went into labor early. It was so important to me that we be present for the birth, I needed to be there for him. We had plans to take A out to dinner the night before the induction. We had also already discussed the birth plan with her, and she said she wanted us in the room just like last time. A few days after we arrived everything changed.

All of the sudden contact became strained. A has always been pretty reliant on us and throughout the pregnancy she had been keeping us up to date. I knew she had a doctor’s appointment, but I never heard how it went. When I asked my case worker, she didn’t know either. Suddenly she had become silent. The next day another bomb dropped when she cancelled our dinner. Her reasoning was that she had needed the dinner before Muppet’s adoption because she didn’t know us then. But this time she knew us and was comfortable with us so she didn’t feel like we needed to go to dinner. I started feeling uneasy but was told that this wasn’t a red flag by the agency.

A few days later we were told that she no longer wanted us in the room for the birth and I felt my heart sink. All of this seemed so out of character for her. I sent her a few emails just asking how she was but got little to no response back. 2 days before the birth she requested a phone date. We set up a time and I waited and waited, but the call never came. I finally got a call from my case worker explaining that she had changed her mind and didn’t want to talk to us. It was in that moment I realized how serious this all had become. I sobbed on the phone with my case manager, not just out of fear but also for the pain that A was obviously going through. I wanted her to know that we cared about her, not just the baby. They promised to pass along our words but I was filled with dread. That night J and I sat out on the porch and had a conversation that every adoptive couple tries to avoid having: how we would handle the situation if A changed her mind about the adoption.

That night was an awful night. With Muppet, everything happened so fast that we really didn’t have any reason to have that talk. We just assumed that it would all work out. But because we knew how different she was acting this time we knew we had a reason to be fearful. I didn’t sleep much that night, instead different scenarios ran around in my mind. Luckily A must have known how we were feeling. I woke up the next day to an email from her that eased all our fears. She explained why she had been pushing us aside and it wasn’t because she was questioning her decision, in fact she assured us that she was 100% certain about the placement, she just needed to handle things differently from last time in order to protect herself.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief knowing that the following day our son would be born and placed into our arms.

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Birth story to follow soon!

He’s Here!

I know some people have been asking for an update so I just wanted to stop in really quick and let you all know that our baby boy is here, happy and healthy! He was born June 15th at 12:18 pm weighing a tiny 5 lbs 4 oz and 17 3/4 inches long. His birth mom signed the papers terminating her parental rights 24 hours later and we are officially his guardians until his adoption is finalized in 6 months. I have SO many stories to tell about this whole process, it was so different from last time so hopefully I’ll be able to get some longer posts up soon. On this blog I have decided to refer to him as Otis. If you want to know his real name this is a major hint as there is a pretty famous duo where one of them has the name Otis. The other name in the duo is our sons name. Thank you everyone for the well wishes, I promise to give a better update soon!

The last week

Time is precious. The closer we get to the birth of Baby Boy, the more I realize how fleeting moments with Muppet are. I’m feeling an odd sort of nostalgia, or maybe it is guilt. I can’t quite tell. I think it is because we fly out next week, so this week is essentially the last time it is just her and me. We’ve become a bit of a Girl’s Club and I’m finding it very hard to let that go. Of course I’m so excited to meet our boy, but I’m very aware that the times  are changing and I’m never going to get this time back with Muppet again.

I think a large part of it is due to the fact that as of this moment, Baby Boy is mythical. I’ve heard he is coming, I’ve prepared for it, but I find it a little hard to believe. Whereas my daughter is living and breathing right before my very eyes and I hate the though of losing the bond I have with her even a little bit. I know once he is here, most of these thoughts will likely disappear and that I will be so thrilled to add a new member to our little club. So for now I’m just trying to soak up these last few days with Muppet. My incredible little girl whom I treasure above all else.

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Our home study was finalized last week and we are pretty much set to go. Muppet and I will fly out 6 days before the induction date and J will drive up a few days later. He just has to wrap a few things up at work. So we are crossing our fingers and toes that A does not go into labor before he arrives. Hopefully she makes it to the induction date, as that gives a little more time to prepare and process everything that is about to happen. I think of her every single day and wonder how she is managing. I know she is struggling a lot, I don’t know how you couldn’t be struggling in this situation, but she says she is 100% sure about placement so I’m trying not to worry. Not that that is really possible, even though I trust her, I’m still so scared she is going to change her mind.

But she is stronger that I know I would be in this situation. She has already proven to us how strong she is and how much she cares about her children. We couldn’t ask for a better birth mom. As of right now she is set on meeting Muppet the night before the induction, which totally freaks me out but of course it is something I will honor. I’m just hoping she realizes that Muppet isn’t even 2 yet, so she doesn’t do well with people she doesn’t know. I don’t want her to become upset if Muppet won’t let her hold her, it won’t be anything personal, she is just a toddler. She is too young to understand who A is and I hope A will be able to accept that.

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I’m not sure if anyone noticed (probably not) but I took down all pictures that showed Muppet’s face. I all of a sudden became very aware of how public I was making myself and it freaked me out. I’d be shocked it at least a few people who know me in real life haven’t found this blog, but still. This is my safe place and I need it to stay that way. Therefore I will be making a few blog posts that are password protected. These might contain pictures of the kids, or they might just be things that are really personal and that I don’t want floating around for anyone to find. I have NO problem giving the password out, especially if you’ve been following me a long time. If you see a password protected post and would like access, shoot me an e-mail (go to the ‘about me’ section at the top and there is a contact form) and I’ll respond as soon as possible. I know a lot of you will likely want to see pictures of Baby Boy once he is here so I’ll put those up under a password. But worry not, my normal every day rantings will remain wide open for all to judge. I anticipate very few protected posts, but I did want to make people aware.

 

Microblog Monday: Approaching at Warp-Speed

We just got word today that they have scheduled our birth mom for an induction a whole week earlier than we had originally planned. 7 days which feels like both an incredible blessing as I am so impatient to meet our son, and also a curse because that is 7 days I just lost for getting ready. It puts us under an extreme time crunch for certain things like potty training Muppet (I’m planning on starting next week) and buying a new car. Our current car is a Honda 4 door. While perfectly adequate for everyday use and two car seats, it doesn’t work when we are planning on making long road trips as there is no space in the backseat for me to sit with the kids. We had been planning on getting a small SUV anyways for hiking purposes but originally we weren’t going to do so till after the baby. Now because of the scheduling change we will most likely be driving home after Interstate Compact clears which is a 12 hour drive (we will split it into 2 days). So any suggestions for a small SUV (think Toyota Rav4 or Suburu Outback) that has room in the backseat for 2 car seats and a mom? I also have some sewing projects that I desperately want to get done before the baby arrives. I am so excited to meet this little guy but there isn’t time for excitement right now. Be right back, must go have a panic attack.

P.S. On the bright side I already have his bag packed and it makes me want to squeal with joy to look at all those time clothes.

Progress has been made

After months of trying to wrangle all our home study paperwork, we finally are making progress. Yesterday we had our couple interview and also J did his individual interview. Our agency has been so great about working with our schedules and let us knock out 2 interviews on the same day. While J was in his interview, Muppet and I took a little stroll to Wendy’s were I shamelessly fed my child french fries and 10 am and let her watch her tablet. 

Next Tuesday will be our actual home visit and my individual interview. From there she just has to write-up the report and we are done! I really like our social worker, she understands the time crunch we are under and has been incredible about making sure we are on an accelerated path. She told me she’d stay up all night to write the report if she had too, which I greatly appreciated.

This weekend we are FINALLY moving into our permanent home. After a month in temporary housing in downtown Seattle, I am more than ready to settle down into our lives. Our housing situation has honestly been a nightmare, but it seems like we have finally reached the end. We did however have the pleasure of meeting up with Cristy and her crew this weekend which was so much fun. definitely one of the highlights of our downtown experience. I’m so excited to be in my own space and have all our stuff back. I have about a million sewing projects I want to work on before the baby gets here and I’m really anxious to get going. We are also going to begin trying to potty train Muppet next week. I’d like her to at least have a basic foundation before Baby Boy arrives and she seems like she is ready. Wish us luck!

 

March Madness

On Tuesday we turned in our home study paper work. FINALLY. We start our social worker visits next week and I couldn’t be more excited to get this home study done and behind us. We have been receiving regular updates from our birth mom and the adoption agency and everything with Baby Boy is good. It is coming down to about 9 weeks until he is here which is both incredibly exciting and absolutely terrifying.

As I was editing our Adoption Time line page (on the menu above) I started glancing at the whole time line to check out certain dates and check this out guys:

March 4th, 2013 – Turn in adoption paperwork for Muppet

March 4th, 2014 – Muppet’s adoption finalized

March 3rd, 2015 – We find out about Baby Boy.

Crazy right?!?! I also should mention that March 2nd 2013 was supposed to be my due date for my second pregnancy, but that isn’t a good thing to remember. So yeah.

But other than that it seems crazy to me that all these big events in our adoption history have happened almost exactly a year apart from each other. By next March our son’s adoption will have already been finalized and our family will be complete. I’m a big fan of simple things like this.

Patience is not a virtue I possess

We have been very lucky with our adoptions. Muppet’s adoption took 9 months start to finish, including the home study. Not bad at all when you consider the national average is 2 years. 9 months seems perfect, just like a pregnancy! The main difference is though, that the time between when we were picked to be Muppet’s parents and the time she was born was only 4 short weeks. We rushed to get ready in that time, especially since I flew out a week early so really we only had 3 weeks to prepare our home for our new arrival.

It was a flurry of activity washing clothes, packing bags, setting up the nursery, and buying all the necessities. It was crazy but so exciting. I knew that I would finally be holding my baby in a months time and I still get butterflies thinking back on those weeks.

This adoption is so different for us. It honestly feels like we are doing everything backwards. We got ‘picked’ first, adoption agency papers second, and home study third. The exact opposite of how we did it last time. And then there is the part that has been the hardest for me: I still don’t have my baby. That may seem like a weird statement but we found out about Baby Boy the first few days in March. It has been a month now that we’ve been anticipating his arrival. At this point the first time around, I already had Muppet in my arms. So the thought that we still have around 2 and a half months to wait to meet our son seems so long to me.

Apparently I’d have a really hard time with a ‘normal’ pregnancy because I am not patient at all. I’m just so excited to meet him and hold him and love him. I already love him so much. We are 90% sure on his name and I’ve already purchased the outfit that he will wear home from the hospital. I’m just ready. Ready for him.

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We are somewhat settled in Seattle now although we still don’t have a place to live after the end of this month. It is all a work in progress. But J has started his new job and it has been even more than we hoped for. I’m turning in our home study paper work by the end of the week and we will be starting the social worker visits shortly afterwards. I know there are a few of you in the Seattle area so if anyone ever wants to meet up shoot me an e-mail! I’m feeling a little lost in our new home as I don’t really have a social group anymore. Plus I just love getting to put faces to the names that I’ve read for so many years.